This just in! WEALTHY BLACK ATHLETE FOUND NOT GUILTY OF CRIME HE CLEARLY COMMITTED (City, Date) -- ________, a star ______ for the (city/university) (team name), was found not guilty yesterday by a jury charged with deciding his fate on charges of ______, despite overwhelming evidence that he did in fact commit the crimes charged. "This is a victory for black people, for the black man, for the black athlete that white society just doesn't like to see become successful," said (name of Jewish lawyer), the attorney for ______. "The jury saw that the police and the DA were just trying to exercise white supremacy, and they rejected it." "Laaawwwwdy, I is free! I done praaaaayyyed to Jesus, my savyah, and he done heard me!" said ______, who spoke to reporters afterward. ______, wearing plenty of gold jewelry and a "pimp" suit, said he was glad the trial was over. "I gon' get back to mah baby mama, and I gon' ta celebrate wid my homies!" ______ said, pumping his fist into the air. "White man who think he can bring me down be WRONG, son! Wrong!" The white family left behind by the horrific crime committed by ______, meanwhile, quietly got into their low-key vehicle and left the courthouse without comment. ______ and (name of Jewish lawyer) hopped into a stretch Hummer with a number of cootchie mamas and headed to Atlantic City.