U S News Government Service update

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  1. Emmett
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    Emmett Active Member

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    July 29, 2015 - Newsflash

    The US Social Congress today welcomed Osama Bin Laden as guest speaker. Mr Bin Laden ( a regular visitor to the Clinton White House ) acknowledged Mrws. Clinton's commitment to further bettering relations with the United Muslim Union. Having flown in from his headquarters in Jordan this evening he thanked his many US constituants here in Congress. He apologized for having to thraten us with Nuclear Weapons last January but added that now since there was no Republican party and protesating here in America has been illegal since 2011 he felt that our nations were on the way to "a healing relationship".

    Asked ab out his accomodations for his stay he replied" Ted has been most gracious". He smiled alot and was impressed with female members of Congress wearing their head scarves appropriately during his visit.

    Surgeon General Howard Dean continues to insist that Americans new diet of Muslim foods ARE healthier than the way we used to eat. He did admit that since females were no longer allowed to attend school it would be difficult for the US National Health System to track the results of their diets.

    Secretary of State Kerry was quoted as saying "it is a smalll sacrifice to maintain world order. We now live in a civlized and peaceful world."

    There were disturbances today however! Sixteen terrorists claiming to represent the Underground Republican Movement were arrested today in Idaho Falls, ID. The suspected ringleader, Sonny Perdue, the former governor of Georgia and known outlaw was arrested in the kaos. Four of those arrested actually had in their homes, A GUN!!!! They were said to be of the old Winchester type like was produced back before Gun Prohibition. Jeb Bush, the only surviving Bush family member was not found and is still a wanted criminal at this point. It is said that he is in hiding in Missouri however citizens there doubt that statement. Director of Social Services Richard Gephart was quoted as saying" there are not ANY traitors in Missouri and I see it as highly improbable that he could be hiding without help. I assure you he would not recieve it here."

    Reconstruction of the Arizona coast continues this evening while reports that Phoenix ( now the largest city in the world ) is having problems with their levy system. During the 2009 bombings that killed 767,000 Americans, sunk California and proved superiority by the Muslim Nation temporary levies were installed near Lake Havasu City AZ which failed to hold back the Pacific Ocean. "Our technology is better now" says Charles Rangal, Director of Emergency Infrastructure, formerly FEMA. He was also quoted as saying" it was not Mrs. Clinton's fault that Iran unleashed it's Nuclear Arsenol on the Western US. The horrid policies left in place by the evil Bush Dictatorship obviously caused this overkill. If the Repulicans had just listened to reason by astute members of government like Charles Schumer, Ted Kennedy and Nancy Pelosi ( now National Security Director ) this would have never happened."

    Other reports have it this evening that the last of the Jewish race has been eliminated. Haski Goldstein, the last known survivor was killed in a stand off at the home of former Georgia Senator and known crackpot, Zell Miller. Mr. Miller's history as a known criminal against our nation is well documented. He got what he deserved in our opinion." said Anderson Cooper, Director of Press Services for the well respected US Government News Service. When Mr. Cooper was asked about Free Speech he replied" What could be more free than a government who allows it's press to relay all news and hides nothing!"

    Sources have it that early this afternoon a joke was made on Air Force One while bringing Mr. Bid Laden to our country that he was amused by all the female leadership in our country but so long as they dressed correctly he would not intervene". When reminded about Mrs Dole ( Leader of the New feminist Movement against Muslim Overtaking ) he laughed and replied," Her head looked so funny laying there on the ground,"

    Finally our top story for the evening! Jesse Jackson, leader of the Black Underground after having realized the democrats were just using blacks as a way to secure the votes they required for complete takeover has sent a message to the US from Europe. He vowed to join with the Underground Republican Movement to take back America in response to blacks being betrayed by the new US Social Government. 1,300,000 blacks who believed in God were killed after the Muslim invasion. "I should have listened to Mr. Reagan", he was quoted as saying. A chance for African Americans to work, be educated and be a contributing part of America would have been better than what happened." As we all know Micheal Reagan was executed in 2011.

    We want to assure each citizen that weather reports will continue in the near future. False reports that the cloud will not be disspated until 2034 are incorrect. The scientists at Georgetown University have assured the US News Service that Aerographical equipment once used to predict weather WILL be used again.

    Please remember curfew times and don't be caught out and killed needlessly. Ladies remember to take your H42, especially those of you who live in the Temp Camps awaiting housing. Remember a pregnancy will ruin everything. Allah is merciful but will not tolerate foolishness by white people.

    Good night and until 7 am tomorrow turn off your sets to conserve power.
     
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