Here is a transcript of the activities of Obama on 05-01-2011: 0400 - Wake up, get briefing. 0420 - Eats a nutritious breakfast of Wheat Grass and oranges from Michelle's garden. 0500- Discovers intell that we know where Bin Laden is. Source classified. 0530- Obama notifies US Navy SEALS and CIA of information. 0600- Obamacare heals 500,000 old people and children. 0610- Obama personally flies to Coranado, CA. 0845- Obama calls a team of SEALS to attention. Obama then trains the SEALS personally in combat tactics. Obama is frustrated at SEALS inability to grasp his tactics and their inability to keep up with the President in fitness runs. Obama declares "Well, they'll have to do I suppose." 1200- Obama single handedly types up a budget that expands federal spending by $5,000,000,000,000, but also somehow cuts the deficit by 95%. 1300- Obama inspects the SEALS. Once again he is frustrated at their inability to meet his standards, but realizes they are all he has at his disposal since the Weather Underground isn't available yet. 1400- Obama sees the SEALS fly to Pakistan. 1500- Obama eats a meal of raw spinach, a bowl of steam, and 4 black beans. 1600- Obama cures Ebola. 1700- Obama cures heroin addiction but Dick Cheney steals it. He decides to handle that next week. 1800- Obama jogs 15 miles in 5 minutes. He's pissed that the SEALS didn't give him enough of a workout. 1900- Obama reads "War and Peace" in less than 2 hours. 2100- Obama types Immigration Reform on his own, in only 1 hour. 2130- Obama accidentally figures out the formula to explain Dark Matter and black holes in the universe. 2200- Obama orders SEALS to attack, and uses a microphone to guide them step by step through the battle. 2300- Obama waits until "The Apprentice" is on to announce the OBL killing, just to rub it in Trumps face. Post-Midnight- Obama ponders the meaning of life while nursing a school of baby pandas back to health.