Things you must believe to remain a Republican today:

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Bullypulpit, Jul 15, 2004.

  1. Bullypulpit
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    Bullypulpit Senior Member

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    a. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery

    b. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

    c. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

    d. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

    e. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

    f. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

    g. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

    h. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for Governor of California as a Republican.

    i. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

    j. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

    k. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

    l. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

    m. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

    n. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

    o. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

    p. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

    q. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

    r. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

    s. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

    t. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
     
  2. phadras
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    phadras Member

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    on your head.. You Anti-American piece of human dung.....
     
  3. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Phadras, not sure if I said, "Welcome", but here it is belatedly! Now, tell us what you really think of the avatar! :thup:
     
  4. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    I'd love to tear that apart, point by point, but I'll just pick on the easiest one, since I'm feeling lazy.

    I do believe it was your boy Clinton who opened wider trading arrangements with Vietnam (he and Hillary did visit their), and it was Clinton who gave China most favored nation status. Breaking that so soon would be considered a hostile act, although I was against making China a most favored nation when it happened.
     
  5. insein
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    insein Senior Member

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    isnt this the exact same thing posternutsac posted the other day 5 times?
     
  6. insein
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    insein Senior Member

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    BTW...

    :cof:

    Too bad its only for 24 hours.
     
  7. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Now, now, Bully adds to the board in many ways. :cool:
     
  8. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    Yeah, Bully's a big, fat target. It's something to practice our aim on.
     
  9. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Not going there. Bully will be back!
     
  10. deciophobic
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    deciophobic Guest

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    why haven't any of you responded, cept hobbit on only one point?

    maybe bully struck a nerve???
     

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