- Sep 22, 2013
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This short-story was inspired by the iconic war-conscious film Judgment at Nuremberg, though there are no overt political references, simply a stylistic appreciation in the G.I. Joe paramilitary fantasy-adventure comics framework.
I was so happy with this comics-stylized concept, that I dreamt up a Hollywood movie adaptation, featuring the following cast for characters (though some of these actors are past the necessary age requirements it can be argued):
Duke - Tom Cruise
Shipwreck - Kurt Russell
Snake Eyes - Jude Law
Flint - Tom Hardy
Lady Jaye - Charlize Theron
Cobra Commander - Leo DiCaprio
Destro - Tom Selleck
Baroness - Courtney Cox
Serpentor - Brad Pitt
Xamot and Tomax - Cillian Murphy (double-role)
Pythona - Uma Thurman
====
Duke, commander of the patriotic G.I. Joes called in his trusted friends/counsellors/allies, Flint, Snake Eyes, Shipwreck, and Scarlett for advice about the upcoming trial of the arrested members of the vile terrorist organization Cobra. Duke was not sure how the landmark Washington D.C. trial would proceed, and he was nervous about the press and how the public would attend to the issues of terrorism and homeland security. Flint advised that the G.I. Joes should volunteer forces to create extra-comforting security, and Duke agreed and signed the order.
Meanwhile, at the maximum security prison, the leaders of Cobra were being held. Cobra Commander, Destro, Baroness, Serpentor, Xamot and Tomax, and Pythona, were all in lone cells awaiting the monumental trial. Destro wished he could consult with Serpentor and Cobra Commander to plan his demeanor and statements for the trial, which he believed would be biased in favour of the G.I. Joes. He was also worried that public indignation against the fallen Cobra would result in unfair treatment of Pythona and Baroness.
The prosecution team was led by Duke and Flint, while Destro and Pythona represented the defense for Cobra. Because the issues were so heavy-handed and martial in nature, legal counselling was reserved for the actual paramilitary members of both sides. The G.I. Joes knew that years of toiling and tackling the diabolical leaders and drones of Cobra would create great tension, and the heroic Lady Jaye was hoping that the trial would yield some resolution about rehabilitation prescriptions. The trial would receive much press, and the outcome would shape America's attitude towards terrorism control and rehabilitation (and incarceration) of enemies of the state.
The trial began on July 5, 2010 at the Capitol Building in Washington. Reporters from NBC, ABC, and CBS were all in attendance. Shipwreck hated the media and wished there was a way to create sanity, but since Duke offered no real solution to the news claustrophobia, Shipwreck arranged for the trial arrangers to set-up very psychologically comforting lighting and adequate air-conditioning, so the trial room itself would be comfortably lit up (and not too bright) and cool. Journalist Barbara Walters commented that this trial would finally secure for the public a national policy towards the terrible Cobra attack on New York City in 2001.
Duke began the trial's proceedings on behalf of the G.I. Joes, and there were three esteemed judges, all regulars on the Supreme Court of the United States. Lady Jaye and Scarlett had arranged all his notes so the questions proceeded smoothly. Everyone was concerned about the testimony of the unpredictable Cobra Commander.
DUKE: What motivated you to lead the 2001 attack on NYC?
SERPENTOR: We wanted to destroy Wall Street and replace it with Cobra's Marxist bank.
DUKE: Over 1,000 Americans were killed and 10 G.I. Joes. Were you oblivious to the human cost?
SERPENTOR: We were desperate. Cobra had to make a great stand, or our empire would evaporate.
DUKE: That's all. I call Destro. As vizier, Destro, did you feel Cobra was ever too savage?
DESTRO: We did what he had to do to ensure that America felt our conviction.
DUKE: How do you feel about women (i.e., Baroness/Pythona) serving as 'diplomats' of terrorism?
DESTRO: All Cobra members feel that Baroness/Pythona provide us with necessary optimism.
DUKE: What is your assessment of the female members of G.I. Joe (i.e., Scarlett/Lady Jaye)?
DESTRO: The G.I. Joes do what they feel would secure America against threats to their electoral system.
{BREAK}
SHIPWRECK: You wear that mask to conceal your scars, yet you feel excited about torture?
COBRA COMMANDER: We define torture in terms of political angst.
SHIPWRECK: Would you consider art as a medium for personal rehabilitation?
COBRA COMMANDER: War is an art too, so, yes, art would soothe Cobra's fractured strength.
SHIPWRECK: There are rumors that Snake Eyes and Baroness were once married. Can Cobra love?
COBRA COMMANDER: Cobra can love in the future as much as it was urged to hate in the past.
{BREAK}
FLINT: Cobra was arrested during its development of chemical weapons. What do you regret?
PYTHONA: I regret that people are swayed by democracy, but perhaps Cobra is hasty.
FLINT: Would you be willing to serve as a counsellor for incarcerated female juvenile offenders?
PYTHONA: I suppose I could impart wisdom onto young women about cultural frustration.
FLINT: I'd like to recommend fairer treatment for you if you agree to a Girl Scouts prison program.
PYTHONA: I will need time myself to forgive the G.I. Joes for their own brand of brute force, but, yes.
At the end of the testimony of Pythona, Xamot and Tomax stood up and shouted, "Brute force begets retaliation!" after which they were promptly escorted out of the trial room by G.I. Joe security. Duke read the final statement to the judges in which he clearly voiced his assessment of the real moral danger of terrorism and the necessity of investing in publicized creative measures for rehabilitation. The judge found all the Cobra members guilty but also agreed with the advice of the G.I. Joes for recommending creative procedures for rehabilitation. Xamot and Tomax were given life in prison for crimes against humanity and for their direct involvement in the development of chemical weapons. No one was given the death penalty, since the judges agreed that Cobra's stance on their Marxist agenda made them political fanatics requiring incarceration but also democratic asylum.
At the G.I. Joe headquarters, Duke was having dinner with his wife Scarlett and remarking on how the trial went much more smoothly than expected. Scarlett noted that the rehabilitation recommendations would create positive press about the G.I. Joe's damaged reputation for use of brute force. Duke commented on the efficiency with which Shipwreck interrogated the devilish Cobra Commander and voiced his hope that someday terrorism itself would be discredited. Meanwhile, Snake Eyes was in the volleyball court smoking a cigar and playing with his dog Order and thinking more cheerfully about achievements in American history.
====
Judgment at Nuremberg (Film Adaptation of Post-WWII Trials)
G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (1985 Paramilitary Fantasy-Adventure TV series)
I was so happy with this comics-stylized concept, that I dreamt up a Hollywood movie adaptation, featuring the following cast for characters (though some of these actors are past the necessary age requirements it can be argued):
Duke - Tom Cruise
Shipwreck - Kurt Russell
Snake Eyes - Jude Law
Flint - Tom Hardy
Lady Jaye - Charlize Theron
Cobra Commander - Leo DiCaprio
Destro - Tom Selleck
Baroness - Courtney Cox
Serpentor - Brad Pitt
Xamot and Tomax - Cillian Murphy (double-role)
Pythona - Uma Thurman
====
Duke, commander of the patriotic G.I. Joes called in his trusted friends/counsellors/allies, Flint, Snake Eyes, Shipwreck, and Scarlett for advice about the upcoming trial of the arrested members of the vile terrorist organization Cobra. Duke was not sure how the landmark Washington D.C. trial would proceed, and he was nervous about the press and how the public would attend to the issues of terrorism and homeland security. Flint advised that the G.I. Joes should volunteer forces to create extra-comforting security, and Duke agreed and signed the order.
Meanwhile, at the maximum security prison, the leaders of Cobra were being held. Cobra Commander, Destro, Baroness, Serpentor, Xamot and Tomax, and Pythona, were all in lone cells awaiting the monumental trial. Destro wished he could consult with Serpentor and Cobra Commander to plan his demeanor and statements for the trial, which he believed would be biased in favour of the G.I. Joes. He was also worried that public indignation against the fallen Cobra would result in unfair treatment of Pythona and Baroness.
The prosecution team was led by Duke and Flint, while Destro and Pythona represented the defense for Cobra. Because the issues were so heavy-handed and martial in nature, legal counselling was reserved for the actual paramilitary members of both sides. The G.I. Joes knew that years of toiling and tackling the diabolical leaders and drones of Cobra would create great tension, and the heroic Lady Jaye was hoping that the trial would yield some resolution about rehabilitation prescriptions. The trial would receive much press, and the outcome would shape America's attitude towards terrorism control and rehabilitation (and incarceration) of enemies of the state.
The trial began on July 5, 2010 at the Capitol Building in Washington. Reporters from NBC, ABC, and CBS were all in attendance. Shipwreck hated the media and wished there was a way to create sanity, but since Duke offered no real solution to the news claustrophobia, Shipwreck arranged for the trial arrangers to set-up very psychologically comforting lighting and adequate air-conditioning, so the trial room itself would be comfortably lit up (and not too bright) and cool. Journalist Barbara Walters commented that this trial would finally secure for the public a national policy towards the terrible Cobra attack on New York City in 2001.
Duke began the trial's proceedings on behalf of the G.I. Joes, and there were three esteemed judges, all regulars on the Supreme Court of the United States. Lady Jaye and Scarlett had arranged all his notes so the questions proceeded smoothly. Everyone was concerned about the testimony of the unpredictable Cobra Commander.
DUKE: What motivated you to lead the 2001 attack on NYC?
SERPENTOR: We wanted to destroy Wall Street and replace it with Cobra's Marxist bank.
DUKE: Over 1,000 Americans were killed and 10 G.I. Joes. Were you oblivious to the human cost?
SERPENTOR: We were desperate. Cobra had to make a great stand, or our empire would evaporate.
DUKE: That's all. I call Destro. As vizier, Destro, did you feel Cobra was ever too savage?
DESTRO: We did what he had to do to ensure that America felt our conviction.
DUKE: How do you feel about women (i.e., Baroness/Pythona) serving as 'diplomats' of terrorism?
DESTRO: All Cobra members feel that Baroness/Pythona provide us with necessary optimism.
DUKE: What is your assessment of the female members of G.I. Joe (i.e., Scarlett/Lady Jaye)?
DESTRO: The G.I. Joes do what they feel would secure America against threats to their electoral system.
{BREAK}
SHIPWRECK: You wear that mask to conceal your scars, yet you feel excited about torture?
COBRA COMMANDER: We define torture in terms of political angst.
SHIPWRECK: Would you consider art as a medium for personal rehabilitation?
COBRA COMMANDER: War is an art too, so, yes, art would soothe Cobra's fractured strength.
SHIPWRECK: There are rumors that Snake Eyes and Baroness were once married. Can Cobra love?
COBRA COMMANDER: Cobra can love in the future as much as it was urged to hate in the past.
{BREAK}
FLINT: Cobra was arrested during its development of chemical weapons. What do you regret?
PYTHONA: I regret that people are swayed by democracy, but perhaps Cobra is hasty.
FLINT: Would you be willing to serve as a counsellor for incarcerated female juvenile offenders?
PYTHONA: I suppose I could impart wisdom onto young women about cultural frustration.
FLINT: I'd like to recommend fairer treatment for you if you agree to a Girl Scouts prison program.
PYTHONA: I will need time myself to forgive the G.I. Joes for their own brand of brute force, but, yes.
At the end of the testimony of Pythona, Xamot and Tomax stood up and shouted, "Brute force begets retaliation!" after which they were promptly escorted out of the trial room by G.I. Joe security. Duke read the final statement to the judges in which he clearly voiced his assessment of the real moral danger of terrorism and the necessity of investing in publicized creative measures for rehabilitation. The judge found all the Cobra members guilty but also agreed with the advice of the G.I. Joes for recommending creative procedures for rehabilitation. Xamot and Tomax were given life in prison for crimes against humanity and for their direct involvement in the development of chemical weapons. No one was given the death penalty, since the judges agreed that Cobra's stance on their Marxist agenda made them political fanatics requiring incarceration but also democratic asylum.
At the G.I. Joe headquarters, Duke was having dinner with his wife Scarlett and remarking on how the trial went much more smoothly than expected. Scarlett noted that the rehabilitation recommendations would create positive press about the G.I. Joe's damaged reputation for use of brute force. Duke commented on the efficiency with which Shipwreck interrogated the devilish Cobra Commander and voiced his hope that someday terrorism itself would be discredited. Meanwhile, Snake Eyes was in the volleyball court smoking a cigar and playing with his dog Order and thinking more cheerfully about achievements in American history.
====
Judgment at Nuremberg (Film Adaptation of Post-WWII Trials)
G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (1985 Paramilitary Fantasy-Adventure TV series)
