The prophet Muhammed resigns amid sexual misconduct allegations

Discussion in 'Political Satire' started by miketx, Dec 17, 2017.

  1. miketx

    miketx Diamond Member

    Dec 25, 2015
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    Dang man, these regressive rapists are falling like flies off a dead turd, and this, just on the heels of Karl Marx resigning for the same thing! Dang it all, what are the 7th century barbarians gonna do now?


    Muhammad resigns as prophet amid sexual assault allegations


    Muhammad resigns as prophet amid sexual assault allegations

    On the heels of this week's resignation of Karl Marx as leading figure in the communist movement due to allegations of sexual misconduct, the triggered social justice organizers of the #MeToo collective have claimed the scalp of another progressive icon.

    At a press conference, supported by her family and lawyers, a woman named Aisha claimed that she was taken as a bride by Mr. Muhammad when she was nine years old. When asked why it took so long for her to come out, she stated that she feared nobody would believe her since the testimony of a woman is not worth a lot in her social circle. The crying woman also confessed that Mr. Muhammad used to beat her when she displeased him, and she feared physical retribution.

    Mr. Beelzebub, the lawyer representing the accused prophet, denied the gravity of the accusations, saying that "everyone was doing it at the time," and that his client "did not remember the situation in quite the same way."

    But later that day more stories emerged from other victims, encouraged by Aisha's testimony and resulting in the viral #MuhammadToo campaign on Twitter.

    The first ones to come out were members of a Muslim Boy Scout group, who claimed that Mr. Muhammad ordered their fathers to beat them if they refused to pray. They were followed by a slave girl who was a victim of sex trafficking and claimed that the Prophet of Islam was present while she was being gang-raped shortly after his companions captured her and turned her into a sex slave.

    These revelations led the Grand Imam of Al-Azhar, the prestigious Islamic university in Cairo, to issue a statement, calling on Mr. Muhammad to step aside. "I've struggled with this decision because he's been a good Prophet, and I consider him a friend," the statement said. "But that cannot excuse his behavior and his mistreatment of women."

    Reacting to pressure from colleagues and the media, Mr. Muhammad called a press conference and declared that after a good deal of soul-searching and consulting with his family members and lawyers, he finally made the tough decision to step down as prophet - a move that many in the Muslim community saw as a shock, followed by a sudden sense of relief....

    Muhammad resigns as prophet amid sexual assault allegations

    And karl Marx!

    Karl Marx to resign, ditch legacy due to sexual misconduct
    • Funny Funny x 3

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