Now, I notice a lot how so many people talk about how we should deal with Muslims. So far, the biggest problem I see is that people seem to think that Muslims think and act the same way we do. However, it's a largely alien culture that is totally different from ours. To explain the difference between us and them, I'll use the standard measure used in church, the 'two average boys' lesson. This will follow the actions of Oliver, a pacifist American boy, Oscar, an aggressive American boy, and Osama, a Muslim who represents the typical views of the lower class of Palestine, Iran, and Saudi Arabia. Oliver tries to ascertain why bullies try to steal his lunch money, while sometimes going through proper channels for punishment and his own protection if it gets bad. Oscar chases down bullies with his hair on fire, then headbutts them into submission, reclaiming his lunch money. The crowd reaction is equal parts horror and awe. Osama and his friends kidnap one of the people in the bully's social group and threaten to behead him if the lunch money is not returned within seven days. When the money isn't returned, they saw off his head with a piece of rebar while he gargles blood in an effort to scream. Oliver promotes his church by advertising events at the church and inviting all of his friends. Oscar promotes his church by offering bully protection to those who come. Osama promotes his church by strapping himself with plastique and ball bearing, then setting it off in the cafeteria at lunch while shouting "Praise Allah! Death to the infidels!" Oliver thinks all clubs are equal, and so promotes joint activities and fundraisers to expose people to different groups. Oscar thinks his club is the best and spends most of the above event poking fun at the other clubs. Osama straps himself with the cafeteria getup and detonates it at said meeting, knowing that only Allah is good and that all other clubs deserve death. Oliver tries to change policy by petitioning the student government. Oscar tries to change policy by petitioning the studnet government...with his fist. Osama tries to change policy by assassinating members of the student government, setting fire to their lockers, and releasing threatening videos that proclaim "Glory to Allah!" and "Death to infidels!" Oliver protests with sit-ins. Oscar protests with beat-ups. Osama protests with riots...if he's feeling nice. Oliver doesn't like grease, so he doesn't eat it. Oscar doesn't like soy, so he beats up (or threatens) the guy who keeps ordering it. Osama is forbidden to eat pork, so he blows up the headquarters for 'the other white meat' and shoots anyone he catches eating the stuff. Oliver thinks Ghandi was the most effective leader in the history of the world. Oscar thinks Patton was the biggest bada$$ who ever breathed oxygen. Osama is ashamed to carry the same name as bin Laden...because bin Laden is a pussy without the balls to do the job. Oliver thinks diplomacy is the only civilized way to solve any problem. Oscar thinks diplomacy is usually just a prelude to the real action. Osama thinks diplomacy is just a good way to get all the biggest infidels together in one place and hit them with their pants down. So, I hope that explains the differences between us and our enemies, because I see so many people who just don't seem to get it.