The Conservative Palinguage Guide

Discussion in 'Humor' started by DavidS, Oct 12, 2008.

  1. DavidS

    DavidS Anti-Tea Party Member

    Sep 7, 2008
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    New York, NY
    If you’re a minority and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a "token hire."
    If you’re a conservative and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a "game changer."

    If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant you’re a "baby daddy."
    If you’re the same in Alaska you’re a "teen father." (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you’re an F’n redneck that don’t want any kids, but that’s too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).

    Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America.
    White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."

    If you grow up in Hawaii you’re "exotic."
    Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you’re the quintessential "American story."

    Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you’re "unpatriotic."
    Name your kid Track, you’re "colorful."

    If you’re a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fulling vetting the individual you’re "reckless."
    A Republican who doesn’t fully vet is a "maverick."

    If you say that for the "first time in my adult lifetime I’m really proud of my country" it makes you "unfit" to be First Lady.
    If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession that makes you "First Dude."

    A DUI from twenty years ago is "old news."
    A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is "relevant information."

    If you’re a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife’s reoccurrence of cancer you’re a "questionable spouse."
    If you’re a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn with Downs Syndrome… Well, we don’t know what that is ‘cause THAT’S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK!

    If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential primary, you’re a "phoney."
    Get 100,000+ people to vote you governor of the 47th most populous state in the Union, you’re "well loved."

    If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs darn near 2 years and 3 major speeches to "get to know you."
    If you’re white and from a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know you’re "one of us."

    If you give your wife a dap on stage, it’s actually a "terrorist fist jab."
    If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest child’s hair on national TV it’s an "adorable moment." (Seriously, forget about abstinence only, teach these folks some grooming skills).

    If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States of America, you’re an "extremist."
    If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus who preaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, you’re a "fundamentalist."

    If you’re a black man and you use a scholarship to get into college, then work your way up to being the president of the Harvard Law Review, you’re "uppity."
    If you’re a conservative and your parents pay your way to Hawaii Pacific University . . . you only have four more schools to attend over the next five years before you somehow manage to graduate (it might be five more school over the next five years. No one has yet verified whether or not Palin was actually ever registered at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. But, you know how shady people are who ever attended any kind of school in Hawaii).

    If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of "Change," it’s just "empty rhetoric."
    If one week before your party’s national convention you SUDDENLY make your candidacy about "Change," that’s "red meat."
  2. messianicmatt

    messianicmatt Rookie

    Oct 13, 2008
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    I am a Jewish believer in Jesus. Most blogs and news services have quoted the same one paragraph of the six-page transcript of the message that David Brickner of Jews for Jesus delivered at Sarah Palin’s church, giving the false impression that he is saying that a bulldozer attack by a deranged Palestinian is God’s judgment on the Jewish people. Please read or listen to the entire message for yourself at the Jews for Jesus website, so that you can hear Brickner's remarks in context (I'm not allowed to post URLS to other sites until I have made 15 posts here, and this is my first, so just Google "Jews for Jesus" and you will find the site.) Please also take a look at Brickner’s comments concerning his message at Wasilla Bible Church, as well as interviews by Christianity Today and MSNBC with Brickner about this issue, at the Jews for Jesus website. Among other things, Brickner says, "The comments attributed to me were taken out of context. The notion that the terrorist, bulldozer attack in Jerusalem this summer was God’s judgment on Israel for not believing in Jesus, is absolutely not what I believe. In retrospect, I can see how my rhetoric might be misunderstood and I truly regret that . . . . Let me be clear. I don’t believe that any one event whether a terrorist attack or a natural disaster is a specific fulfillment of or manifestation of a Biblical prediction of judgment. I don’t believe that the newspaper should be used to interpret the Bible. The Bible interprets the Bible. I love my Jewish people and the land of Israel. I stand with and support her against all efforts to harm her or her people in any way."

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