Taken Off Police Videos

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Annie, Jan 16, 2005.

  1. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Police Quotes
    The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

    "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

    "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

    "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

    "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

    "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

    "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

    "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

    "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

    "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey shit."

    "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

    "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

    "Just how big were those two beers?"

    "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

    "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

    and the best one . . . . .

    "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
     
  2. freeandfun1
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    freeandfun1 VIP Member

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    :rotflmao:
     
  3. Shattered
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    :teeth:
     
  4. MissileMan
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    MissileMan Senior Member

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    Along those same lines, there was an episode of COPS where they were doing car theft stings in a bad neighborhood with a car wired to a remote control to shut it down and lock the doors. They also have a microphone and hidden camera in the car to capture the whole thing. So this young man jumps in the car...gets it started and peels out, tearing down the street. Suddenly, the car engine dies, and the door locks activate, and the car coasts to a stop. The kid starts clawing at the door trying to get out, and then sees the cops approaching. When the cop gets to the car door, the kid says, "Officer, I didn't have anything to do with this". As funny as that was, the look on the kid's face when he realized what he said and the knowledge that his Pavlovian alibi wasn't going to fly was hilarious.
     
  5. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    :laugh: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :laugh:
     
  6. no1tovote4
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    no1tovote4 VIP Member

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    Did you ever see the COPS episode when the drunk guy gets out of the passenger side of the car after he had placed the huge ass Teddy Bear in the Driver's seat.

    Then when he gets out he elbows one of the cops instead of the dude that was still sitting in the back and says, "Hey! Tell them you were driving!"

    I almost had to have hernia surgery when I saw that one.
     
  7. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    here's an audio bit of a guy in minneapolis getting arrested, and he has some strong feelings about the situation...

    follow this link, then scroll down to the bottom to the 2nd from the last bit, called "Yo Mammy!"

    http://www.kqrs.com/morningshowbits.asp
     
  8. 5stringJeff
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    5stringJeff Senior Member

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    :laugh:
    :rotflmao:
     

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