Standing by

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Merlin1047, Oct 3, 2004.

  1. Merlin1047
    Offline

    Merlin1047 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2004
    Messages:
    3,500
    Thanks Received:
    449
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    AL
    Ratings:
    +450
    Just in case the Commander-In-Chief decides to recall any of us military retirees, I have been trying on the old uniforms. I want to be ready.

    So far only the socks fit.
     
  2. Joz
    Offline

    Joz Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2004
    Messages:
    3,392
    Thanks Received:
    221
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +221
    :rotflmao: You're a hoot, Merlin!! You remind me of my father. He was such a quick wit. My children inheirited it but it passed me by. But I CAN appreciate good humor. I always look for that in a man. I do hope your wife appreciates it/you. It can get you thru some rough & tough times!
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  3. Semper Fi
    Offline

    Semper Fi VIP Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,772
    Thanks Received:
    130
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Ratings:
    +130
    Oh how true is that!
     
  4. Merlin1047
    Offline

    Merlin1047 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2004
    Messages:
    3,500
    Thanks Received:
    449
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    AL
    Ratings:
    +450
    Well, sometimes my big mouth gets me in trouble.

    There was a tree in the back yard which needed to come down. It was about thirty feet tall, but relatively slender, having a diameter of about fourteen inches. I decided that I could handle this little chore myself and save the couple of hundred bucks the tree service would charge.

    So I dug the chain saw out of the garage and proceeded to whittle away. Now the tree needed to drop in a specific spot. I didn't want to drop it on the part of the yard where the field lines for the septic tank were buried. So I decided to drop it toward the fence, but due to the height of the tree, I needed to angle it in order to keep it from taking out the fence when it fell.

    Now I will readily admit that Paul Bunyan would get no competition from me. I notched the tree in the direction I wanted it to fall and then proceeded to make the finishing cut on the other side. During this time the wife, spectating from the back deck a safe distance away, opined that she thought the tree was going to hit the fence. I told her that my years of aviation experience had given me an expert eye for angles and so I continued to cut away. Directly the tree began to lean - the wrong way. It pinched the bar of the saw in the cut and there I was - chainsaw stuck in tree and wife smirking on deck.

    Undaunted, I found a length of rope, drove the truck into the backyard and tied the rope from the tree to the bumper. The wife, curiosity getting the better of her, had come to get a closer view of the activity. I explained my plan and asked her to remove the saw from the tree when I relieved the pressure. I got in the pickup and started to put pressure on the rope. I decided that the risk of the rope snapping and whomping the wife was too great, so I told her not to worry about the saw, just get clear and then I started to pull the tree again. As the tree started to lean, the saw started slipping out of the cut. Rita moved to get it. Again I stopped and told her to get away from the whole thing. She backed up a bit, but not far enough to satisfy me. A little irritated, I got out and said "Look honey, you need to back waaaay up." To which she replied "I'll be fine here". Exasperated, I replied "Look, people around here know you and if I drop this tree on your head, nobody will EVER believe it was an accident!". Feeling smug and self-satisfied at this good shot, I walked back to the truck only to be hit in the back with a pinecone.

    Disregarding this affront to my dignity, I got in the pickup and starting gradually increasing pressure on the tree. Finally it went over - in the right direction. As it fell, I realized that it WAS going to get the fence. Fortunately it struck another tree and deflected, the top coming within inches of, but missing the fence.

    As I was untying the rope from the bumper, I was greeted with some caustic observations from the wife "not gonna hit the fence, huh?" To which I replied that I had planned all along for the other tree to act as a deflector and the proof was that the tree was down as I had said it would be.

    Somehow, I don't think she believed me.
     
  5. Joz
    Offline

    Joz Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2004
    Messages:
    3,392
    Thanks Received:
    221
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +221
    : happy2: I was never a big fan of the show, Home Improvement, but your antics sounds like one of their scripts.....only funnier. The wife just takes it in stride.
     

Share This Page