Something bizarre and hilarious has again happened to one of my brothers...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by AllieBaba, Aug 6, 2009.

  1. AllieBaba

    AllieBaba BANNED

    Oct 2, 2007
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    Okay, so I've shared some of the stories. The one brother who was hitching a ride and got picked up by a couple of guys covered in blood who copped to murder, and the other one who flailed away from a cop car on the tracks, tripped and was arrested and put on suicide watch because the cops were convinced he was trying to kill himself....same brother who was blown up by an un-detonated dynamite cap, and was spared from death when he was shot while hunting, because the other hunter actually got the bird, so the bird absorbed the shot except for pellets which lodged in my brother's shoulder, hip, knee, collarbone, thigh and rib...

    Well I talked to my brother (train track bro) today and here's his latest....

    His wife and kids were in Canada visiting relatives, so he went fishing with some buddies, about 7 miles from his house. They were undoubtedly drinking, since wife was out of town (no drinking any other time, my how things have changed, lol).

    So he decided he would walk home, not that far. It was a hot day, he was in flip flops. His buddy offered to let him take his truck, but my brilliant (and assuredly inebriated) bro said naw, no problem, the walk will be great, besides, he'd hitch a ride, someone would surely pick him up.

    Well people don't really pick up hitchhikers anymore. Particularly 44 y.o. 200 lb. 6 ft ones. He said it was absolutely scorching hot, and there were 5 tunnels between the fishing spot and home. And he was wearing flipflops, and no water.

    So he went through two tunnels, lol. He said he'd run like hell, in the flipflops, and when a car would come he'd squash himself against the side of the tunnel with his arms out to his sides and his belly sucked in, then run like hell until the next one. In flip flops. Omg.

    He said he did a couple of tunnels like that, and he was dying. He said his eyes were sinking into his head like spongebob's when he dries out, and the pavement was just scorching. So he decided to go the train route instead. After all, there aren't as many trains.

    He enters the first train tunnel, and he's about half way through...and a train comes. So he runs like hell, almost breaks his leg, the train is barreling down on him blowing his horn, and as soon as he breaks free, he dives off embankment without looking and rolls down the rock birm through poison oak.

    But it gets better!

    About a mile from his little town, finally a guy in a van with texas plates picks him up. My brother climbs in, they introduce themselves, he thanks the guy profusely, and notices the van is like kinda weird and empty inside.

    About that time, the guy says, "You look tense..would you like me to give you a back rub? I've got an inflatable mattress in the back, it's really comfortable..."

    My brother said if the guy had just offered him some water, he probably would have sucked his dick, but since no water was being offered, he said no thank can let me out here, my wife's out of town and I need to pick up a couple of things...

    and he said when the guy heard his wife was out of town he got all excited and was like, "No, let me take you home...where do you live? Really, I'll give you a ride home..."

    Ross pretty much bailed out while the van was still moving, muttering about the pit bulls that had to be fed and the booby traps he had to check.

    He staggered into the little town bar thinking a beer sounded good, but upon getting in there, thought maybe water would be better. He said he downed two huge pounders of ice water in about 2 seconds flat, then staggered outside and barfed. Heat exhaustion.

    I laughed my ass off when he was telling the story. My brothers, I swear to God. I'm going to write a book. The only story that might be funnier is the one he tells about being out at sea, and two (probably drunk) sailors acting out the whole "Jack, we're FLYING!" scene from the Titanic, where Leo and what's her name are leaning out over the rail.

    Though the one where his friend came home to find his sister naked up in a tree, clucking like a chicken is pretty priceless, too...
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    Last edited: Aug 6, 2009

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