She-Hulk: Satanic Diaries

Discussion in 'The Garage' started by Abishai100, Oct 5, 2018.

  1. Abishai100
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    Abishai100 VIP Member

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    This is a gender-focused vignette about steroids and success, and given the moral angle of it, I felt uncomfortable posting it in the Writing section of USMB, which is why I'm putting it in the Garage (especially because I'm referencing Occultism mythos even though I'm a follower of the Catholic faith).

    This vignette (most likely my last one), was inspired by the films Oh, God! You Devil and Catwoman.

    Cheers,




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    "Lucifer visited Earth and disguised himself as a lounge-singer in Vegas. He was intrigued by the fact that the Oakland Raiders (NFL) were relocating to Vegas, a move which held multiple possibilities for consumerism and media in America. Lucifer sat on his piano in his Vegas lounge playing a Sinatra song when he notice a woman, of rather strong build, sitting alone and drinking alone. She was wearing big gold earrings and looked sullen, so he approached her carefully."

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    "Lucifer discovered that the woman, Adele, was an Olympic weightlifter and was depressed because her training was not providing her with the adequate build. Lucifer whispered in her ear and suggested she try taking strength-enhancing chemicals. Adele asked him if she should take steroids, and he explained that such a decision would be hers and hers alone. After some thinking, Adele told Lucifer that she'd try her hand at steroids. That's when Lucifer exposed himself as the Devil, and Adele was shocked but oddly intrigued. Thus began Adele's rather dramatic and meteoric rise to celebrity and Olympic glory as a gold-medal winning female weightlifter."

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    "Lucifer guided Adele in her career, reading to her passages from both the revered Christian Bible and the incendiary Book of the Nine Gates to the Kingdom of Shadows (a 'standard' text for Satanists and Devil-worshipers). Since Adele was now an official Occultist and 'Luciferian' (a denomination of Satanism or Devil-worship), she found both religious texts interesting but leaned towards Lucifer's book of the Nine Gates. Adele decided she was something like the 'anti-heroine' of Olympics, the opposite of Joan of Arc, 'defying tradition' to bring her Eastern European under-valued nation a much-needed medal of victory. Lucifer read passages from the Bible and the Nine Gates to Adele every week."

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    "Adele came to appreciate the basic metaphysical value of personal glory and the ironic 'burden' of celebrity in this modern world of success-obsessed 'etiquette.' Lucifer gave Adele an impressive painting of a Muslim belly-dancer in euphoria, surrounded by waves of light and energy. Adele liked it very much and hung it in her living-room (after she won her Olympic gold-medal), but she needed something more 'visceral' to satisfy her newfound fascination with 'feminine strength.' That's when Lucifer introduced her to She-Hulk (Marvel Comics), a pumped-up fictional comic book superheroine of pure and raw physical strength. Adele liked She-Hulk so much that she gave herself the 'alias' She-Hulk(!). Adele would stare at her belly-dancer painting Lucifer gave her and compare it to the comic book portraits of She-Hulk every morning."

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    "One day, Adele was sitting at home and eating lunch when she heard a voice from an angel of God who told her that she was in trouble, since she was formally in-league with the Devil. The angel was Raphael, and he insisted that she reveal to the world that she took strength-enhancing drugs (steroids) to win her Olympic gold-medal. Adele defiantly refused, claiming that she had a real confidante and guide in Lucifer and read passages from the Bible and the book of the Nine Gates and had no qualms with her 'brand' of spiritual meditation. Lucifer then showed up and told Raphael that Adele had made her private decision, so Raphael departed (but not before showing Lucifer and Adele a drawing of the sword of the archangel Michael which partially symbolized the complete moral danger of women getting involved with drugs)."

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    "Adele was visibly disturbed by the drawing Raphael gave to her and Lucifer, so Lucifer began calming her down. Lucifer reminded Adele that she was situated comfortably and happily in her 'new spiritual life' and had found adequate ways to justify her reasons for taking strength-enhancing drugs to achieve personal success. Adele nevertheless felt 'guilty' and decided to record her memoirs onto a tape, which she called The Satanic Diaries. In these memoirs, she talked about the pure temptation to succeed in the modern world as a woman-of-ambition. She also mentioned that a woman on steroids winning medals was something like a 'Satanic-martyr' who was somehow 'representing' humanity's fears of failure and deformity. Lucifer loved her tape and made a copy to keep in his personal archive."

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    LUCIFER: I'm so happy with your progress!
    ADELE: I've come a long way...
    LUCIFER: Don't give up your medal.
    ADELE: I fully intend to keep it, my lord.
    LUCIFER: Are you happy with your memoirs?
    ADELE: Yes, and I'm honored you kept a copy!
    LUCIFER: It will serve my 'mission.'
    ADELE: I'm still a huge fan of She-Hulk (Marvel Comics).
    LUCIFER: That's good; there's no reason to be ashamed.
    ADELE: I still worry about what Raphael said to us.
    LUCIFER: You mean about drugs and women?
    ADELE: Yes! Am I going to purgatory or something?
    LUCIFER: No, Adele; you're adequately meditating about self-awareness.
    ADELE: I wonder what a Catholic would say about my 'deeds.'
    LUCIFER: Each religion has its own way of being 'hospitable.'
    ADELE: The Bible says that at the End of Days, Michael will imprison you!
    LUCIFER: Those figurative ideas about damnation refer to privacy, not exhibitionism.
    ADELE: You mean you'll always be my 'friend'?
    LUCIFER: Of course! Why would you doubt it?
    ADELE: Well, it's not like I'm a prime-candidate to write Frankenstein.
    LUCIFER: Haha; I suppose you're not; but you're a first-rate 'revolution-diplomat.'
    ADELE: Here's to free-speech democracy {toasts Lucifer with champagne}.
    LUCIFER: Perhaps God will find a place for us too, Adele!
    ADELE: I worry more about McCarthyism...


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    :5_1_12024:

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