Ramblings from a Senior Citizen dealing with technology My kids gave me a new Blackberry. I thought about the large business with hundreds of employees that I ran for many years, all without a SmartPhone, iPhone or iPad that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates via Facebook or Twitter. One has to wonder how we survived! I reluctantly signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my kids, their spouses, grandkids and great grand kids could send photos and communicate with me in the modern way. They overlooked the joy of actually seeing them in person or talking to them? Oh well. Knowing my own technological limitations, I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter that only allowed 140 characters. What I didnt know is that this doesnt use the English language, but some strange symbols resembling a tonal language that is beyond my ability to understand. Also, this quickly led to my kids signing me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends and receives every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world. They also made sure that I have overnight become friends with well over half the population of the free world, all who mistakenly assume that I need to know their every move, what they eat, where they go, and how they feel from dawn to dark. My phone now beeps every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire global next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the trunk of my car. The kids next bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then when I venture out of the house in the car. I keep that in a box in my garage. To make the kids happy, I did use it for a few days and have to admit it looked pretty neat sitting on my cars dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." I named the GPS lady Gypsy. You would think that Gypsy could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead .. Well, lets just say that it was not a good relationship and Gypsy also ended up in the garage. I think were both happier. When I do get lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets but Ive noticed that shes starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, but at least she loves me. My grandchildren gave me what looked like some outer space earplug phone with a little plastic arm extending from my ear to my mouth. They said it was also equipped with blue tooth even though it was black. They were annoyed when I continued to attempt to make contact with the jets that flew over our house. That is also in my garage. I did strap it on once but had to take out my hearing aid. I was standing in line at the grocery store talking to my wife and noticed that everyone within fifty yards were glaring at me. My wife tells me that without my hearing aid, I tend to get a little loud. To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the laundry baskets when the phone rings. Life was simpler before and I never lost a phone when it was attached to the wall by a cord. The world is just getting too complex for me. They even confuse me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves, but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out puzzles me. Again, my kids bought us some of those cloth reusable bags as evidently they were convinced we were the culprits damaging the worlds environment. However, I never remember to take them in with me. I think I wrapped Gypsy in one of those sacks in the garage. Now when I check out at the grocery, I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, "No, but Ive noticed that I do toot a lot." I dont need any more gadgets. The tv remote and the garage door remote are about all we seniors can handle.