Satire Of recent News: 5/27/2012

Discussion in 'Politics' started by bitterlyclingin, May 26, 2012.

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    [The Pakalolo Kid announces his "New, Golden Age" in a speech at the Air Force Academy and campaign manager David Axelrod explains away the 41 % West Virginia primary vote for an incarcerated felon as well as Arkansas' and Kentucky's. There is also a short discussion of why one New York City is making Arabic language mandatory, ie not wanting their students to be handicapped by language like the current crop of American immigrants are.]

    "President Says World Is Entering New “Golden Age”

    President Barack Obama told Air Force Academy graduates that “the world is entering a new 'golden age' thanks to me. I have bridged the differences that set America apart from what were our adversaries in an earlier era.”

    The President cited his “reset button” policy for bringing the US and Russia closer together. “I have transformed Ronald Reagan's 'evil empire' into a true partner for peace,” Obama boasted. “President Putin and I are on the same page when it comes to issues of war and peace. I can't tell you all the details right now, but we are jointly working to fundamentally change the way our two nations interact.”

    “We have also reached a new understanding with Islam,” he continued. “Their leaders have accepted the sacrifice of the renegade Osama bin-Laden as a necessary step if we are to mute anti-Islamic anxiety and achieve a more harmonious environment for cultural interchange, learning, and enlightenment. The day when every Muslim can freely practice his religion wherever he might find himself is closer than it has ever been.”"

    "In related news, New York City's PS368 has made learning Arabic mandatory. “Considering the way things are going, we deem it prudent to teach our students these critical language skills,” said Principal Nicky Kram Rosen. “Those who can't communicate in the dominant language will be at a significant disadvantage. Look at how immigrants who don't speak English end up at the bottom of the economic heap.”"

    "The Democratic presidential primaries in West Virginia, Arkansas, and Kentucky were all won by President Obama. Still, approximately 40% of the votes went for, respectively, an incarcerated felon, a virtual unknown, and “uncommitted.” Similar less than dominant outcomes in a few of the 1968 primaries inspired incumbent President Lyndon Johnson to withdraw from the race. No Obama withdrawal is anticipated.

    Campaign adviser David Axelrod attributed the showing to “residual racism. To those who are stunned by this—after all these were Democratic primaries—I suggest they take a look at history. The three states we are talking about are all in the South. Southern Democrats have historically been racists. The defenders of slavery were all southern Democrats. The South is where the Ku Klux Klan has traditionally been most powerful. So, the fact that some rump of the Democratic Party in these states would come out and vote to try to embarrass a Black President should surprise no one.”

    Axelrod said he didn't think that these outcomes presage problems for the President's reelection. “The anti-racist majority backing the President didn't have much incentive to vote in these primaries,” he pointed out. “The President is already a lock for the nomination. They will come out to vote against racism in November.”

    In related news, the New Black Panthers' National Field Marshal, King Samir Shabazz, warned that “our tolerance for this kind of disrespectful voting is wearing thin. We are going to take over this country block-by-block. Crackers like these will soon find themselves in the cemetery where their future votes can be cast more responsibly and respectfully by those who really care about the Black man's rights.”"

    SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News May 27, 2012 Edition
     

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