Everyone here is a little too serious, and I think maybe its time to relax, We're not changing the world, we should take things a little lighter. Maybe go to a festival like this one? Fuck The Earth’ Festival Republicans have a plan to change the negative world views of America, and “Climate Change” Plans are now underway to launch "Fuck The Earth Festival" which will host Nascar races in 2008 at Coal Mining plants around the US. “The Fuck The Earth Festival is designed to bring the people of America together in a celebration of what makes the US great. There is too much worry and fear these days, and we want people to relax and have fun celebrating the things we care about like the environement, and wildlife.” ‘FTE Lobbyist’ The tracks will be built(Halliburton) around Coal Mines, (Mines above and below ground). Each FTE Celebration will last approximately three days, specific locations will coincide with International Auto shows, as well as NRA rallies for those states. "Fans are rev'd up about this" says a Republican lobbyist for the event, “We asked ourselves, What do people want? We knew the answer before we finished the question, Fast Cars, Fire, Guns and Beer! Gaddam right! And were gonna give it to them the American way!” “Fuck The Earth” is heavily sponsored by 3 of the top “Big Oil” companies, (ExxonMobil, Chevron Corporation, BP) Talks are still underway with “Big Tabacco”, although they are leaning toward heavy endorsement. WalMart, Anheuser-Busch, Coca Cola, Halliburton, and Mcdonalds are already well onboard with full sponsorship. The Festivals will start with the igniting of the 47 ft “Giant Tire Man” made of stacked tires, (GoodYear) which will burn for the entirety of each and every 3 day event. Budweiser will be giving out free beers (King Cans) during the much anticipated ‘Nascar Felon Target Race’, Featuring “Truckasaurus”. “In this fun filled event fans will get a chance to participate from the stands. Targets will be placed on the Nascars of convicted felons who will race for their freedom, while spectators get a chance to test their marksmanship ability by shooting at the cars as they race around the track” The Felon that successfully completes 25 laps gets a full pardon. “Everyone is encouraged to bring their own guns, we will be permitting high powered rifles and semi automatic weapons.” “If you forget your gun, they can be purchased at Gun Stands located in the free market area, along side Liquor, Beef and Fireworks vendors.” At select venues Truckasaurus will also be on the track grabbing and eating the ‘Felon filled’ Nascars as they dodge the barrage of semi automatic and sniper bullets. This is just one of the many interactive festivities that can be participated in during the 3 day festival. The “Fuck The Earth Festival” demographic target is Americans from 3 to 90 years old. “If they can hold a gun, they can come have fun” Other events and attractions include a performance by Bruce Springsteen, -Humvee Burnout Competition, -Funny car VS RPG races, -WWE VS Bears(Polar and Grizzly), -Coca Cola WaterPark, (All new Coke Zero Lazy river, filled with Coke Zero) and the ever popular “Endangered Species Hunt.” The ESH will be set up in a larger than usual paintball style arena on the grounds, participants get a chance to test their hunting skills on Snow Leopards, Giraffes and the homeless. And for the anglers, there’s a Dolphin and Seal shooting range, right beside the ORCA and Shark spear fishing tank. A feature showcase will be openning the Orca tank into the Seal tank. (two shows daily) Future event ideas include the Rhino-Bull pitt, In which a contestant must successfully recover flags located in a 12 foot deep pitt the size of an olympic swimming pool, filled with dense smoke, and inhabited by a Bull, and Rhinocerous both on Crystal Meth. “Spectators will be invited to throw “Molotive Cocktails” which they can purchase from walking vendors right in the stands! “(Mobile 1) The Rhino-Bull Pitt will be broadcast on large screens using heat sensor cameras.(Sony) The grand prize speculated to consist of lifetime supplies of Budweiser, McDonalds and your choice of Marlboro cigarettes. The inaugural FTEF will involve a Virgin Galactic Shuttle Launch, Which will be bringing a shipment of goods to the new “Orbiting WalMart One Stop Space Station.” The first in a chain of “Space Franchises” set to open early 2009. “Our hope is to draw people from all over the world, having them learn what America holds dear, Freedom, the freedom to do and say whatever we want free from ridicule and ludicrous facts. We want people to come away from this with a new perspective of the US of A.“ This is completely fictional, its made up, its a joke, and was written and intended solely for the purpose of creating smiles and maybe some laughter.