Religious Humor

Discussion in 'Religion and Ethics' started by Sky Dancer, Jun 19, 2010.

  1. Sky Dancer
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    I thought we could use some lightening up. Here's a cute one:

    There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"

    The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."

    Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok."

    So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop.

    "Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!"

    Finally he remembers, "Amen!!"

    The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God."
     
  2. Sky Dancer
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    What's your religion?
    I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

    "Why shouldn't I?" he said.

    I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

    "Like what?"

    "Well ... are you religious or atheist?"

    "Religious."

    "Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"

    "Christian."

    "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

    "Protestant."

    "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

    "Baptist."

    "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

    "Baptist Church of God."

    "Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

    "Reformed Baptist Church of God."

    "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

    "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

    To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
     
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  3. Sky Dancer
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    Why are there no good Buddhist blues guitarists?
    They have no soul.
     
  4. Madeline
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    Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

    The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

    The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

    The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"

    She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."
     
  5. Sky Dancer
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    I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays.
    - Henny Youngman
     
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    Catholics are against abortions.
    Catholics are against homosexuals.
    But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals! -- George Carlin
     
  7. uscitizen
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    uscitizen Senior Member

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    But we atheists get all the christian holidays off too.

    Christian humor? I chuckle everytime I hear a preacher say "seed".
    And think of PT Barnum.
     
  8. hortysir
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    hortysir In Memorial of 47

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    Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
    .
    .
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    .
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    .
    They keep falling through the holes in His hands :lol:



    (I'm going to Hell, ain't I?)
    :lol:
     
  9. hortysir
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    hortysir In Memorial of 47

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    [​IMG]
     
  10. Sky Dancer
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    How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.
     

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