Preventing Shark Attacks ...

[Hillbilly Girl]

HOW TO DEAL WITH SHARK ATTACKS



Six Tips to Keep You from Being 'Shark Snack'



1. Don't Swim in the Ocean


More than 99% of shark attacks occur in large bodies of water called 'oceans'. An easy way to tell if you are in an 'ocean' is to taste the water. If it tastes salty, get out immediately.





2. Swim Alongside Fat People


Make sure there are always fat people in the water. Odds are you can swim faster than they can. This increases your chance of survival.





3. Sunblock


Replace the sunblock of the person next to you with BBQ sauce.





4. Never Go In the Water Without A Knife


As soon as you spot a shark, stab the person next to you. As soon as he is bleeding profusely, swim away as fast as you can.





5. Listen For The Music


If you hear this music: "Da-dum ... da-dum ... da-dum," swim like hell. If the music is fast, like: "Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum," give up, 'cuz it's already too late.





6. Don't Panic


If a shark has grasped you, stay calm. You are dead meat. Survival is not an option. The people on the beach do not appreciate someone screaming and shouting while they're tanning. It just isn't pleasant. Think of the children ...

 

[Meister]

I've always used a shark repellent. I use a 8" X 1/4" piece of leather, and tie it around my wrist....I've never been attacked by a shark.

 

[xotoxi]

I've always used a shark repellent. I use a 8" X 1/4" piece of leather, and tie it around my wrist....I've never been attacked by a shark.

I usually surround myself with a huge steel cage.

 

[JBeukema]

The solution... is shark fin soup

 

[Zoom-boing]

Only swim with people named Quint. Sharks love to nom on Quints.

 

[B. Kidd]

Even the 3 stooges knew how to deal with shark attacks. Bop em' on the nose, poke em' in the eyes........