Preventing Shark Attacks ...

Discussion in 'The Garage' started by Hillbilly Girl, Feb 20, 2011.

  1. Hillbilly Girl
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    Hillbilly Girl BANNED

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    HOW TO DEAL WITH SHARK ATTACKS



    Six Tips to Keep You from Being 'Shark Snack'

    

1. Don't Swim in the Ocean


    More than 99% of shark attacks occur in large bodies of water called 'oceans'. An easy way to tell if you are in an 'ocean' is to taste the water. If it tastes salty, get out immediately.



    

2. Swim Alongside Fat People


    Make sure there are always fat people in the water. Odds are you can swim faster than they can. This increases your chance of survival.



    

3. Sunblock


    Replace the sunblock of the person next to you with BBQ sauce.



    

4. Never Go In the Water Without A Knife


    As soon as you spot a shark, stab the person next to you. As soon as he is bleeding profusely, swim away as fast as you can.



    

5. Listen For The Music


    If you hear this music: "Da-dum ... da-dum ... da-dum," swim like hell. If the music is fast, like: "Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum," give up, 'cuz it's already too late.



    

6. Don't Panic


    If a shark has grasped you, stay calm. You are dead meat. Survival is not an option. The people on the beach do not appreciate someone screaming and shouting while they're tanning. It just isn't pleasant. Think of the children ...
     
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  2. Meister
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    Meister VIP Member Supporting Member

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    I've always used a shark repellent. I use a 8" X 1/4" piece of leather, and tie it around my wrist....I've never been attacked by a shark.
     
  3. xotoxi
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    xotoxi Platinum Member

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    I usually surround myself with a huge steel cage.
     
  4. JBeukema
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    JBeukema BANNED

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    The solution... is shark fin soup
     
  5. Zoom-boing
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    Zoom-boing Gold Member

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    Only swim with people named Quint. Sharks love to nom on Quints.
     
  6. B. Kidd
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    B. Kidd Gold Member

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    Even the 3 stooges knew how to deal with shark attacks. Bop em' on the nose, poke em' in the eyes........
     

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