Obituary of Christ

Discussion in 'Religion and Ethics' started by The Irish Ram, Apr 20, 2011.

  1. The Irish Ram
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    The Irish Ram LITTLE GIRL / Ram Tough

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    Obituary of Jesus Christ

    Jesus Christ, 33, of Nazareth, died Friday on Mount Calvary, also known as Golgotha, the place of the skull. Betrayed by the apostle, Judas, Jesus was crucified by the Romans, by order of the Ruler Pontius Pilate.

    The causes of death were crucifixion, extreme exhaustion, severe torture, loss of blood and a broken heart.

    Jesus Christ, a descendent of Abraham, was a member of the house of David. He was the adopted Son of the late Joseph, a carpenter of Nazareth, and Mary, His devoted natural Mother. Jesus was born in a stable in the city of Bethlehem, Judea. He is survived by His mother, Mary, His faithful Apostles, numerous disciples and many other followers.

    Jesus was self-educated and spent most of his adult life working as a Teacher. Jesus also occasionally worked as a Medical Doctor and it is reported that he healed many patients. Up until the time of His death, Jesus was teaching and sharing the Good News, healing the sick, touching the lonely, feeding the hungry and helping the poor.

    Jesus was most noted for telling parables about His Father's Kingdom and performing miracles, such as feeding over 5,000 people with only five loaves of bread and two fish, and healing a man who was born blind. On the day before His death, He held a Last Supper celebrating the Passover Feast, at which He foretold His death.

    The body was quickly buried in a stone grave, which was donated by Joseph of Arimathea, a loyal friend of the family. By order of Pontius Pilate, a boulder was rolled in front of the tomb. Roman soldiers were put on guard.

    In lieu of flowers, the family has requested that everyone try to live as Jesus did. Donations may be sent to anyone in need.

    Important Update: Correction - Since the time of the publishing of this obituary, we have had it confirmed by many persons that Jesus has risen from the dead! He is alive and well. He has asked that we continue to help others and to share with them the Good News that Jesus Saves From Sin!
     
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  2. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    Ass-u-me-ing you believe the stories that were finally written down many years after the event and then passed through 1,200 years of hand-me-down copying.

    I hang around writers at USMB - trust me we're all bullshit artists with wants, needs and desires.
     
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  3. Grace
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    Grace BANNED

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    This is the spiritual religion forum, is it not, Joe?
    Wish her well in whatever she chooses to believe, ok?
     
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  4. mudwhistle
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    mudwhistle Diamond Member

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    Here's a pretty close description of what Jesus went through that day.

    Facts about the Crucifixion
     
  5. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    All too true, Grace. All too true.

    It's just that I feel like I wasted a significant percentage of my short time on this planet on those stories - nobody's fault but my own, to be certain... but I can get a little snarky around the holidays. Nothing personal was meant and my apologies if anything personal is taken. It's the stories and their hold on the world that I have issues with, not individual believers.
     
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    Last edited: Apr 20, 2011
  6. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    So?

    Millions were crucified - it was an effective form of political control for a long time, even Alexander The Thug employed it. The facts are no more or less impressive than those surrounding The Rack, The Pear of Anguish or The Judas Cradle.

    It's the unproven line in the stories that I have an issue with. The story of how one guy walked away from the procedure, and why.
     
  7. Grace
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    I hear ya, Joe. I'm in the same proverbial boat, sort of. Irish has her ways and I have mine but we are still pals even though we have some differences. Concerning the holidays, I can validate that. Nothing to apologize for either. I have a problem with all the death and destruction done in His name, myself.
    On Beltane, run around your yard naked. Make sure it's nighttime though. Then on Easter, paint Merry Meet on some eggs and hand them out to strangers. :lol:
     
  8. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    I live in Florida. We do everything naked.
     
  9. Montrovant
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    Montrovant Fuzzy bears!

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    20+ years I lived in Florida and somehow I missed that! :lol:
     
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  10. Grace
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    Grace BANNED

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    Maybe it's a blessing in disguise?:lol:
     

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