My kids have a flair for the theatrical...

[AllieBaba]

My house is thrashed because my cleaning lady quit (we're about a month out. It's bad.) I'm working fully time, it's summer, and I've always got deadlines hanging over me and something waiting for me to finish it.

The last couple of weekends I ventured out over the weekend mostly so I could avoid having to do anything at home. I go to my sister's (140 miles away) where my older son and his family are as well. It's like going to a resort...a lovely private pool, a computer room, gourmet kitchen (and her cleaning lady is full time) lots of things to do. Between myself and all the relatives the kids are always entertained and never have any meltdowns. We come back late at night on Sunday, tan and tired and fall into bed, then up on Monday morning and out the door.

I'm home this weekend and hoped that we'd just have a nice quiet weekend.

Lilly freaked out yesterday and yelled at me ("I HATE you! WAAAAAHHHHHHHH!") and flopped around bellowing and in general acting ugly, so I grounded her for the rest of the day and we worked on acceptable behavior and what it means to have it. By "grounding" I mean she got to stay inside and no visits across the street with her friend.

Today she's fine; in fact, she's great. But the boy is a wee bit volatile. His friend was here and my son was getting downright demanding and bossy and finally just got carried away so I sent his little buddy home. And when Wallace threw his new Lego Harry Potter game on the ground, I picked it up after he stomped away and told him I was throwing it away. At the time he said he didn't care, but later we had howling, and rolling, and unflattering commentary about mom (which got the teeth soaped a wee bit). Followed by a runaway scene which I will spare you but ended with me holding the phone and threatening to call "Nana" to pick him up and to keep him for the rest of the day.

I don't remember the first boys being so dramatic - not until they were in their teens.

I wonder if it's a good sign these two are going through it now? Does it mean we got it over and adolescence will be bump free? Or will they just go through a worse stage later, and is their precociousness now just a tiny taste of the nightmare to come?????

Parenthood is not for sissies.

 

[SFC Ollie]

Try taking over as the new step dad with teenagers......

Anyway the bad news for you is that adolescence is never bump free.

Lots of patience, love, and understanding helps though.

And then there is always the threat of a big stick.............

 

[AllieBaba]

Nobody in family is afraid of sticks, that's the thing. You have to be creative because the whole family has a high pain threshold and a serious combative and stoic streak when it comes to oppression, real or imagined.

 

[strollingbones]

you got a cleaning lady....and you work? my my my will wonder never cease

 

[AllieBaba]

No, my cleaning lady quit.
She only came in once a week. I'm so horrible about housework that I decided to budget the money for it so the kids can have a semi-normal home to live in.

But once a week was not enough, believe me. She'd shine things up but nothing ever really got done. We need a full-time, industrial cleaning team and probably a carpenter and plumber as well.

Why the wonder? That I have a cleaning lady? Or that I work? I've always worked. I talk about it all the time...

 

[Samson]

My house is thrashed because my cleaning lady quit (we're about a month out. It's bad.) I'm working fully time, it's summer, and I've always got deadlines hanging over me and something waiting for me to finish it.

The last couple of weekends I ventured out over the weekend mostly so I could avoid having to do anything at home. I go to my sister's (140 miles away) where my older son and his family are as well. It's like going to a resort...a lovely private pool, a computer room, gourmet kitchen (and her cleaning lady is full time) lots of things to do. Between myself and all the relatives the kids are always entertained and never have any meltdowns. We come back late at night on Sunday, tan and tired and fall into bed, then up on Monday morning and out the door.

I'm home this weekend and hoped that we'd just have a nice quiet weekend.

Lilly freaked out yesterday and yelled at me ("I HATE you! WAAAAAHHHHHHHH!") and flopped around bellowing and in general acting ugly, so I grounded her for the rest of the day and we worked on acceptable behavior and what it means to have it. By "grounding" I mean she got to stay inside and no visits across the street with her friend.

Today she's fine; in fact, she's great. But the boy is a wee bit volatile. His friend was here and my son was getting downright demanding and bossy and finally just got carried away so I sent his little buddy home. And when Wallace threw his new Lego Harry Potter game on the ground, I picked it up after he stomped away and told him I was throwing it away. At the time he said he didn't care, but later we had howling, and rolling, and unflattering commentary about mom (which got the teeth soaped a wee bit). Followed by a runaway scene which I will spare you but ended with me holding the phone and threatening to call "Nana" to pick him up and to keep him for the rest of the day.

I don't remember the first boys being so dramatic - not until they were in their teens.

I wonder if it's a good sign these two are going through it now? Does it mean we got it over and adolescence will be bump free? Or will they just go through a worse stage later, and is their precociousness now just a tiny taste of the nightmare to come?????

Parenthood is not for sissies.

No, indeed, parenthood isn't for sissys...(actually, growing old ain't for sissies either).

A: WTF do you need a maid? Are the kids physically handicapped? If not, I'd have them scrubbing a damn toilet or two if they wanted me to turn on the electricty in the house.

B. Things get WORSE.....always.

C. Whe sticks don't work, and nothing else works, then you're done: sit back, STFU, have a glass of wine and take a long hot bath.

 

[AllieBaba]

They're only 6 & 7. They can't reach the cupboards to put away dishes, or the faucets.

I do have them clean the bathroom, they can reach everything in there. But my bathroom doesn't get very bad. For some reason I usually keep it pretty clean myself.

 

[Samson]

They're only 6 & 7. They can't reach the cupboards to put away dishes, or the faucets.

I do have them clean the bathroom, they can reach everything in there. But my bathroom doesn't get very bad. For some reason I usually keep it pretty clean myself.

Just have them scrub floors: nothin' they cannot reach on the floor, right?

Then give them some scissors and have them cut the grass.

 

[AllieBaba]

They occasionally do the scissors/grass thing on their own, lol.

 

[Paulie]

This kind of sounds like a face-saving explanation for effeminate behavior in your kids..

'They're not gay! They just have a flair for the theatrical!!'

 

[AllieBaba]

Try taking over as the new step dad with teenagers......

Anyway the bad news for you is that adolescence is never bump free.

Lots of patience, love, and understanding helps though.

And then there is always the threat of a big stick.............

I was a step parent for years. In fact, that's why I had the second set. I figured if I was raising and paying for everybody else's kids I might as well have a couple more of my own as well.

 

[Sarah G]

My house is thrashed because my cleaning lady quit (we're about a month out. It's bad.) I'm working fully time, it's summer, and I've always got deadlines hanging over me and something waiting for me to finish it.

The last couple of weekends I ventured out over the weekend mostly so I could avoid having to do anything at home. I go to my sister's (140 miles away) where my older son and his family are as well. It's like going to a resort...a lovely private pool, a computer room, gourmet kitchen (and her cleaning lady is full time) lots of things to do. Between myself and all the relatives the kids are always entertained and never have any meltdowns. We come back late at night on Sunday, tan and tired and fall into bed, then up on Monday morning and out the door.

I'm home this weekend and hoped that we'd just have a nice quiet weekend.

Lilly freaked out yesterday and yelled at me ("I HATE you! WAAAAAHHHHHHHH!") and flopped around bellowing and in general acting ugly, so I grounded her for the rest of the day and we worked on acceptable behavior and what it means to have it. By "grounding" I mean she got to stay inside and no visits across the street with her friend.

Today she's fine; in fact, she's great. But the boy is a wee bit volatile. His friend was here and my son was getting downright demanding and bossy and finally just got carried away so I sent his little buddy home. And when Wallace threw his new Lego Harry Potter game on the ground, I picked it up after he stomped away and told him I was throwing it away. At the time he said he didn't care, but later we had howling, and rolling, and unflattering commentary about mom (which got the teeth soaped a wee bit). Followed by a runaway scene which I will spare you but ended with me holding the phone and threatening to call "Nana" to pick him up and to keep him for the rest of the day.

I don't remember the first boys being so dramatic - not until they were in their teens.

I wonder if it's a good sign these two are going through it now? Does it mean we got it over and adolescence will be bump free? Or will they just go through a worse stage later, and is their precociousness now just a tiny taste of the nightmare to come?????

Parenthood is not for sissies.

No, indeed, parenthood isn't for sissys...(actually, growing old ain't for sissies either).

A: WTF do you need a maid? Are the kids physically handicapped? If not, I'd have them scrubbing a damn toilet or two if they wanted me to turn on the electricty in the house.

B. Things get WORSE.....always.

C. Whe sticks don't work, and nothing else works, then you're done: sit back, STFU, have a glass of wine and take a long hot bath.

In that filthy tub?

 

[goldcatt]

All I can say is, "My kingdom for a cleaning lady"!

I feel your pain, Allie. If you find something that works to make the little darlings do their part, let me know. Mine have had so many toys and privileges taken away they're basically down to their beds right now - and those just might disappear soon if they don't start picking up after themselves.

 

[AllieBaba]

I've been going the other way lately...bribing them.

Then I'll be able to take things for a while. Looking forward to that. I was explaining to one of them today (or maybe it was both of them. Or one of them twice?) that they own nothing. Everything is mine.

Oh, it was my boy. He asked me if the PC was theirs now because I have a laptop. I said, "er, NO. It's still mine. I let you use it." He said why, when I have my own. I said "because I'm the grown up. I buy the things. They're mine. But you can use them."

 

[AllieBaba]

Oddly, that was a conversation I recall having with my older boys when they were teens as well.

This does not bode well.

 

[bodecea]

My house is thrashed because my cleaning lady quit (we're about a month out. It's bad.) I'm working fully time, it's summer, and I've always got deadlines hanging over me and something waiting for me to finish it.

The last couple of weekends I ventured out over the weekend mostly so I could avoid having to do anything at home. I go to my sister's (140 miles away) where my older son and his family are as well. It's like going to a resort...a lovely private pool, a computer room, gourmet kitchen (and her cleaning lady is full time) lots of things to do. Between myself and all the relatives the kids are always entertained and never have any meltdowns. We come back late at night on Sunday, tan and tired and fall into bed, then up on Monday morning and out the door.

I'm home this weekend and hoped that we'd just have a nice quiet weekend.

Lilly freaked out yesterday and yelled at me ("I HATE you! WAAAAAHHHHHHHH!") and flopped around bellowing and in general acting ugly, so I grounded her for the rest of the day and we worked on acceptable behavior and what it means to have it. By "grounding" I mean she got to stay inside and no visits across the street with her friend.

Today she's fine; in fact, she's great. But the boy is a wee bit volatile. His friend was here and my son was getting downright demanding and bossy and finally just got carried away so I sent his little buddy home. And when Wallace threw his new Lego Harry Potter game on the ground, I picked it up after he stomped away and told him I was throwing it away. At the time he said he didn't care, but later we had howling, and rolling, and unflattering commentary about mom (which got the teeth soaped a wee bit). Followed by a runaway scene which I will spare you but ended with me holding the phone and threatening to call "Nana" to pick him up and to keep him for the rest of the day.

I don't remember the first boys being so dramatic - not until they were in their teens.

I wonder if it's a good sign these two are going through it now? Does it mean we got it over and adolescence will be bump free? Or will they just go through a worse stage later, and is their precociousness now just a tiny taste of the nightmare to come?????

Parenthood is not for sissies.

You're DOOOOOOMED!!!!

 

[strollingbones]

i have never had a cleaning lady....i would like one

 

[Samson]

i have never had a cleaning lady....i would like one

Bah.

 

[editec]

The ONLY joy I find in having had my son and his chums leave my home is that my house is FINALLY kinda clean.

I'm one of those people who hates housework but loves a clean home.

I'm also one of those people who keeps telling himself that I ought to hire a cleaning lady, but cannot bring myself to do it until my house is clean enough that it won't be an embarrassment to bring one in to keep the house cleaner.

What I really need to do is find a Felix Unger to become a housemate as I could easily play the role of Oscar Madison.

 

[Zoom-boing]

My oldest, who is turning 20 this Thursday , was never a problem. Zero, zip, zilch. The boy, 17 now, special needs . . . dear God, behavior problems out the whazoo. The youngest, 13, grew up in his behaioral shadow and boy oh boy, did she learn from him but good. For many years we let too much slide with her because we were dealing with the boy. Puberty was a God-send for him . . . our household has felt 'normal' for a few years now. BUT . . . undoing the youngest's rotten behavior habits took us (mostly me) some mighty work . . . still a work in progress but much better.

We (ok, I) finally figured out what works on her and stick with it each and every time. Grounding her from the computer, taking away the ipod, grounding her from the basement (tv and non-internet computer down there), grounding from parties/events/school functions, etc. That works for her. Took quite a while before I finally figured out that a day or two or sometimes even a week just didn't get the lesson learned. Also, many many warnings prior to said grounding just made me mad and pushed her buttons even more.

Now? Back talk or slam your feet/doors - her two most favorite things to do when pissed - gets her one warning and if continued, the hammer comes down. One week grounding minimum from the computer and if she persists with the mouth, other things go away for a one week minimum as well. She also had (sometimes still has) the habit of coming home way past when she's told (from a friend in the neighborhood's house or just hanging/playing with the neighborhood kids). That doesn't work for us so, yep shit gets taken away immediately. I give her about 20 minutes leeway but that's it. This week the kids in the neighborhood have been playing 'man hunt' (basically hide and seek around our street and the street out back. I used to play that when I was a kid) after dinner. Three times she called me when she was suppose to be home and asked for another half hour. I said ok and she was home on time. Slowly but surely . . . . .

Absolute consistency is what works and if you give only one warning before the consequences you avoid the circle-jerk arguments.

Oh and at 6 and 7? Give them chores NOW. I made the mistake of thinking 'when they're a bit older and can really do the job'. BIG MISTAKE. They may not be able to reach the cabinets to put the dishes away but there is no reason they can't empty a dishwasher and put the dishes/glasses on the counter. Get them to help fold a load of laundry, feed the pets, dust. My kids will help if asked (sometimes with an argument, frequently without) but rare is the occasion when they will just do something. I chalk most of that up to being a kid though.

We don't have tons and tons of rules but the ones we do have are expected to be followed and if they don't - again, this is now mostly just with the youngest - then rotten behavior results in rotten consequences. Period, end of discussion.