"Morning" Routines... Perfectly 'Normal' or Hard to Understand...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by AVG-JOE, Feb 11, 2011.

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Good Morning, Sunshine!! What's Next?

  1. Shower

    4 vote(s)
    80.0%
  2. Shave Something

    4 vote(s)
    80.0%
  3. Shave Something Else

    2 vote(s)
    40.0%
  4. Style Hair

    3 vote(s)
    60.0%
  5. Brush Teeth

    5 vote(s)
    100.0%
  6. Make Up – Just a Little Mascara & Eyeliner

    1 vote(s)
    20.0%
  7. Make Up – Full War Paint

    1 vote(s)
    20.0%
  8. Deodorant / Chemicals of a Pleasant Olfactory Nature

    5 vote(s)
    100.0%
  9. Dress Up

    3 vote(s)
    60.0%
  10. Dress Down

    3 vote(s)
    60.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    We all have them. What does your include? Why?

    Cross reference other grooming threads ( http://www.usmessageboard.com/health-and-lifestyle/154654-furry-women-7.html#post3308557 ) I'm curious... Where do you see yourselves on the "Time it gets ready to face the world" scale?

    Me? I probably rate an nice, average 30 minutes. A normal day includes shower, shave parts of my face, a dab of chemical product in each arm pit, a quick polish of the pearly not-so-whites after all these years of coffee, a hint of Axe Brand Body Spray and cover it all up with business casual attire, sometimes including a tie. I have one tie with Poo on it. Tigger too.

    Why the care, chemicals and time? This average Joe likes to face the world feeling pretty.



    It's a poll and remember, I type slow for a professional clerk - be patient.
     
  2. Ringel05
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    Ringel05 Diamond Member

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    Oh and don't forget about the hundreds of thousands of us regular folk who are allergic to those fragrant chemicals...........
    Tread lightly please......... :lol:
     
  3. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    Tread lightly?

    :wtf:

    I thought the best thing about living in America after being able to ignore advice you asked for was the many choices we have when it comes to stuff that makes us feel pretty!

    Did I miss a memo requiring us to dress like 1960's era Chinese?

    What the HELL did Obama do NOW?!? :eek:
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2011
  4. Ringel05
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    Ringel05 Diamond Member

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    :lol: With the colognes and perfumes, the colognes and perfumes! :lol:
     
  5. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    Now I get it - use potions to make yourself 'pretty' to your fellow Earthlings, not 'pretty nauseating' :eusa_doh:


    :iagree:
     
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  6. Ringel05
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    Ringel05 Diamond Member

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    Unfortunately I can't use anything that has a scent and even small amounts can detrimentally affect me over time. People who bath in it need to be given a GI shower!!! :evil:
     
  7. Colin
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    Colin Gold Member

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    No morning is complete without the three S's. :cool:

    And for a real good start to the day...the four S's!
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2011
  8. iamwhatiseem
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    iamwhatiseem Gold Member

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    Step one...grunt and snarl.
    Step two...fumble to the restroom, shower-shave etc.
    Step three...go in the closet, try and remember the last time I wore what I am picking out to wear.
    Step four...take medicine, put on shoes...walk out the door.

    In all, I am usually out the door within 20-30 minutes from the moment I roll out of bed.
     
  9. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    :eusa_think: 4th S?!?

    Ahhhhh.... :eusa_doh: I am kind of slow today...

    A real good start to the day happens when you wake up early enough for a Shower after the Sex!!
     
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  10. Colin
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    Colin Gold Member

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    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

    Take off clothes and place them sectioned in the laundry basket
    according to lights and darks.

    Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

    If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to
    do more sit-ups/leg-lifts etc.

    Get in the shower.

    Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

    Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
    vitamins.

    Wash your hair again to make sure it is clean.

    Condition your hair with conditioner enhanced with grapefruit and mint.

    Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
    red.

    Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

    Rinse conditioner off hair.

    Shave armpits and legs.

    Turn off shower.

    Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

    Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.

    Get out of shower.

    Dry with towel the size of a small country.

    Wrap hair in a super absorbent towel.

    Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and the hand towel on
    head.

    If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave in a
    pile on the floor.

    Walk naked to the bathroom.

    If you see your wife along the way, shake penis at her making the
    woo-woo sound.

    Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

    Admire the size of your penis and scratch your arse.

    Get in the shower.

    Wash your face.

    Wash your armpits.

    Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse it off.

    Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

    Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

    Wash your arse, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

    Wash your hair.

    Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

    Pee.

    Rinse off and get out of shower.

    Partially dry off.

    Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath
    the whole time.

    Admire penis size in mirror again.

    Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

    If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake penis at her and make
    the woo-woo sound again.

    Throw wet towel on bed.
     

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