People, Politics, Punditry June 16, 2004 MASSAGING SPARKY'S IMAGE The White House Minutes from the meeting of the Image Control Committee: Present and voting: representatives from the Spin and Persona departments, the CIA, Mr. Rove, Ms. Rice and Naomi Wolf. Mr. Rove made a motion that the minutes of the last meeting be destroyed. The motion was seconded and passed. New business: Persona reported that plans to link the president with Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong were abandoned after the president fell off his mountain bike. The CIA endorsed this decision, saying it has reliable intelligence that Armstrong spends a lot of time in France. Ms. Rice reported that her attempts to compare the president to FDR and Churchill prior to the D-Day trip were not picked up by the media. Persona voiced displeasure that Ms. Rice had not cleared the linkage attempt with them beforehand. Mr. Rove stated that Ms. Rice appeared unaware of the difference between spinning and just sucking up. Spin reported that it was still attempting to connect the president with former President Ronald Reagan, but that the comparison was proving to be a tough sell. Spin said one obstacle is that Reagan was known for his wide smile, whereas President Bush likes to show his teeth only to family and close friends. Mr. Rove said that for the president to appear more Gipper-esque, all he needs is his own nickname. Toward this end it was moved, seconded and approved that henceforth the president be called Sparky. Ms. Rice read a list of additional people she believes the president might be compared to favorably in the future. It included the following names: John Foster Dulles, Gen. George S. Patton, Ernest Hemingway, Jesus and Brad Pitt (in a leather skirt). Mr. Rove suggested Ms. Rice take more cold showers. Spin reported that it was having difficulty getting anyone to accept the argument that World War II and the conflict in Iraq are similar. Spin said the biggest problem is that we attacked Iraq. Mr. Rove read a letter to the committee from Vice President Dick Cheney in which he said the best way to solve the president's Iraq problem is to start fresh with a new war. Mr. Cheney said he had discussed this idea with the boys over at Halliburton, and had been assured the company would offer the government a 30 percent discount on any new wars. Consultant Naomi Wolf read a report in which she concluded that to connect with women voters, the president should stop wearing earth tones and start wearing more pastels. Mr. Rove reported that Wardrobe is already working on a pink flight suit. Ms. Rice asked if it was hot pink. On Mr. Rove's motion, the meeting was adjourned. source - Reach Jim Shea at firstname.lastname@example.org.