Married Men who Abandon their Birth-Families

Discussion in 'Health and Lifestyle' started by DGS49, Sep 12, 2018.

  1. DGS49
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    DGS49 Gold Member

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    I have seen many instances in my extended family and among my friends where young men get married, then shortly thereafter abandon their birth families. They don't call or visit their parents, brothers and sisters, and when kids are born they either gradually or immediately erect a figurative wall between their new family and the man's parents and blood relatives. At my age (69) MANY of my friends lament the "loss" of their grandchildren; many of them have never seen some or all of their grandchildren through their sons.

    And when the son is asked about it, he refuses to give any explanation or justification, often refusing even to talk about it.

    I realize that parents/grandparents often antagonize the parents through interfering with parenting of the grandchildren, or "spoiling" them, but in the cases I'm talking about they aren't even given access to the grandchildren.

    The situation with my own grandchildren (I have one son, three grandchildren) is not quite so bad, but my daughter-in-law passes out contact with the grandchildren as though it were tickets to Steelers football games. We have NEVER been asked to babysit the kids, while HER parents do it virtually every week.

    Is this a common thing?
     
  2. Vastator
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    Vastator Gold Member

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    It is common. Amongst Beta males who relinquish head of household duties, and decision making responsibilities to their wives in a bid to keep them happy. By isolating the husband to her maternal sphere of influence; divergent thought, and open criticism is kept to a controlled minimum. And keeping herself surrounded by her own family reinforces her own positions, by diminishing the husbands. After all... If she decides to cut her husband loose; she already has a long established connection to her family, with the kids; makes getting support after marriage much easier. Both financially, and emotionally.
     
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    Last edited: Sep 12, 2018
  3. caddo kid
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    caddo kid Silver Member

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    sounds like mama be wearing the pants now
     
  4. Lumpy 1
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    Lumpy 1 Diamond Member Supporting Member

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    I think common has been redefined as, "whatever"

    Bottom line .. it looks like you want to see your grandkids which is great but your holding back on airing out the issue with your son and his darlin wife. (if your reaction to, "darlin wife" was a cringe, maybe start there.)
     
  5. bodecea
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    bodecea Diamond Member

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    Sounds like many of these men are eager to cut loose from their birth families for some reasons based on their own upbringing, or lack thereof.
     
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  6. Lysistrata
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    Lysistrata Gold Member

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    I guess the son's family didn't get it right the first time and the son is more comfortable with his wife's family. My late father's parents were always fighting. His father was a drunk and domestic abuser. My father never mourned his father's passing. He loved my mother's mother to pieces, though. He would do anything for her and went out of his way to show it. This all depends on what occurs within the family.

    BTW; what is this "Beta male" thing? It sounds like some sort of alt-right queer thing like "social justice warrior" or "virtue signaling." It sounds really, really dumb.
     
  7. Lumpy 1
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    Lumpy 1 Diamond Member Supporting Member

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    I raised 4 kids, worked lotsa overtime blah blah, it kept me real busy and occupied but I came out of a strong family (lotsa good times and hard times together) . I can miss several months and talking to my siblings is like we just talked yesterday.

    I'm thinking those kinda family connections/structures are part of what's been given up with the modern split the family and screw the past attitude.
     
  8. DGS49
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    DGS49 Gold Member

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    The cases I mention and refer to were cases where everything seemed cool right up and through the first couple years of marriage...until kids appeared. In laws got along together, relationships with daughter - in-law seemed fine right up until... it wasn't.
     
  9. SweetSue92
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    SweetSue92 Gold Member

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    I don't know how common it is. Probably more common than it should be. But in my experience it usually has something to do with the wife/daughter-in-law. It's horridly unwise, short-sighted and, in the end, toxic. I have told my kids this over and over and, I hope, modeled for them something different. They both love their paternal grandparents and my daughter is especially close to her paternal grandmother. She is 19.

    It is one thing if a man has a bad relationship with his family going into the marriage, and has very good, solid reasons why he wants to limit contact. Sometimes the family is toxic; there's nothing to be done. But if the pernicious WIFE does this, she is poisoning her own well. She won't get away with it, not forever. Where she could be multiplying love, she is only limiting it, and it will come back on her.

    Women.

    Don't do this. Don't. Ever. Do. This.
     
  10. SweetSue92
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    SweetSue92 Gold Member

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    Marry a man and try to control him.

    If he lets you, he's a beta male. You might think you have won. You have really lost.

    Simple, really.
     
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