Discussion in 'Humor' started by Dabs, Dec 13, 2011.

  1. Dabs

    Dabs ~Unpredictable~

    May 13, 2011
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    I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie,

    large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there
    and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your
    will power.'

    I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two
    things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were
    NOT the correct answers.

    A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said
    'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose
    it eventually '

    I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went
    into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?'
    I said, 'Nope, you’re still black'

    Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was
    expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a
    face like that!

    A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the
    road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma
    died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to
    call Father O’Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is
    the last ting on my mind at the moment.'

    Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the
    doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that
    a bacon sandwich works best!

    Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a
    fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of
    a woman with her mouth closed.

    I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days
    when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
    yourself...'I’m going to take that.'

    Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks
    down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I? The
    Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. ‘You’re in that basket.’

    I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar
    until the last question which I got wrong. The question was, Where do
    women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how
    did I know they wanted the name of a country?

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