Discussion in 'Humor' started by HUGGY, Sep 16, 2012.
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p4CNKvJoFc]Top 10 Muslim Jokes - YouTube[/ame]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tsTQmA77C0&feature=related]Muslim jokes - YouTube[/ame]
One muslim mother says to another, It is almost mohammed's birthday.
The second mother says, Yes he's old enough for jihad. They blow up so fast.
Q: Wanna hear a joke?
A: Muslim Women's Rights.
Q: In an apartment building in London, Ahmed lives on the first floor, Mustafa on the second floor and Harry on the third floor. The building explodes - who lives?
A: Harry of course - he was at work.
In the recent earthquake in Pakistan rescuers recovered 10,000 bodies and tomorrow they are going into the second house.
A cop in London stops a Muslim leading a cow down the street. He asks "What are you doing with a cow in the middle of town?"
The Muslim says, "I am taking it home to keep it in my house."
The copper asks, "What about all the flies, the shit and the stink?"
The Muslim thinks a moment and replies, "The cow will just have to get used to it."
Q: What do Muslim men think is the best thing about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?
A: There's 20 of them.
A Muslim man goes into a drugstore and says to the druggist, "I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."
"Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the druggist.
"Nah, she just lays there like her mother."
Ahmed goes up to his friend Mahmud and asks, "What's black, blue and yellow and doesn't like sex very much?"
Mahmud shakes his head and says, "I give up - what?"
Ahmed answers, "The 6 year old Chinese girl in the trunk of my car."
Q. Why should they use Muslims instead of laboratory rats in experiments?
A. Muslims breed faster and you won't get so attached to them.
What do you have when you put a dozen Muslim women in a room together?
Almost a full set of teeth.
Good evening gentlemen, and get out, ladies.
On my flight to New York there must have been an Israeli in the bathroom the entire time.
There was a sign on the door that said, “Occupied.”
What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes?
Nothing! You told her twice already!
How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?
None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!
Did you hear about the Broadway play, “The Palestinian”?
What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia?
Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?
It features full facial nudity!
Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank? Because it’s just a stone’s throw from Israel!
Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys?
Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!
A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police.
“Honest, I’m not a suicide bomber,” he said. “I didn’t say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins.
All I said was, ‘I’m dying to get laid”!
What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward? “Live ammunition.”
Palestinian girl says to her mommy:
“After Abdul blows himself up, can I have his room?”
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born". "He's a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me ..." says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18", she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school". He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says ......
They blow up so fast, don't they?"
A Muslim, an African, and a Communist walk into a bar......
what does the bartender say?
What will you have Mr. President?
SOOOOoooo.... funny I forgot to laugh...
Ahmed and Farhad were neighbors in a very poor village. Farhad was wealthy beyond Ahmed's wildest dreams for Farhad had two goats. Ahmed had only one goat.
One day Ahmed was tending to his one goat when he found a bottle among the brush. As he wiped the grime off the bottle a geni appeared and said "I will grant you ONE wish in return for setting me free."
Ahmad thought about it. "I am very poor, I have only one goat. I don't know what one thing would relieve my poverty."
The geni said 'I can give you an entire herd of goats and make you the richest man in the village".
Ahmad thought about it. "I am not so stupid. If I had a herd of goats I will have to work to tend them all. It would take up all my time and I would have no time to drink with the other men of the village."
The geni then offered "I can make you as rich as a Caliph and the whole village will be beholden to you."
Ahmad thought about it. "I am not so stupid. If I were as rich as a Caliph I would have to employ guards to protect me and women to cook and clean my large home. My workers would expect payment and bedevil me with demands. I would have to keep books of accounts. I am too old for that kind of work.
The geni was getting impatient. "I have offered you a vast herd of goats. Riches beyond your dreams. Both have been rejected because you are unwilling to put forth the effort to maintain either herd or riches. If you do not make your ONE wish, I will leave you to your poverty and one goat.
Ahmad smiled. "I know what my one wish will be. I want you to kill Farhad's goats."
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