Irish Jokes

[Blagger]

Insert your favourite, derogatory Irish jokes here. Honestly, I'm surprised that no-one has done this already.

Anyho, I'll kick things off...


Paddy's walking through the village holding a bag of doughnuts. He bumps into Murphy who asks Paddy what's in the bag.

Murphy: So, watchya gat in da bag, boy?

Paddy: Dornots.

Murphy: Can ah have one if ah guess 'ow many you've gat?

Paddy: Murphy, if ya can guess 'ow many dornots oiv gat in da bag, yer can have both o' dem.

 

[California Girl]

 

[Si modo]

I love Irish jokes. I just don't care for Swagger. So, no sharing of mine.

 

[Blagger]

I love Irish jokes. I just don't care for Swagger. So, no sharing of mine.

Fair enough. And I'm not fussed about not reading your jokes, Si modo. No-one does Paddy jokes like the Brits.


Did you hear about the Irish exorcism?

A couple have called in Satan to remove a priest from their son!


Heard about the Irish abortion clinic?

There's a 12 month waiting list.


Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.

Afterwards, Paddy says, "That was fucking great! I wonder how the girls got on."

 

[California Girl]

I love Irish jokes. I just don't care for Swagger. So, no sharing of mine.

True, he is an idiot.

 

[Blagger]

I'd rather be an idiot than a snitch like you.

 

[Si modo]

I'd rather be an idiot than a snitch like you.

How dramatic.

 

[George Costanza]

George "O'Tool" Bush and Condi "Finnigan" Rice go fishing and find themselves on opposite sides of the lake. Condi yells over to George, "Hey, how do I get to the other side of the lake?" George yells back, "You are on the other side of the lake."

 

[Ringel05]

George "O'Tool" Bush and Condi "Finnigan" Rice go fishing and find themselves on opposite sides of the lake. Condi yells over to George, "Hey, how do I get to the other side of the lake?" George yells back, "You are on the other side of the lake."

 

[L.K.Eder]

an irish man walks into a bar.

why the red face, asks the horse.

 

[editec]

Q: How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Fuck it! We'll drink in the dark.

 

[George Costanza]

George "O'Tool" Bush and Condi "Finnigan" Rice go fishing and find themselves on opposite sides of the lake. Condi yells over to George, "Hey, how do I get to the other side of the lake?" George yells back, "You are on the other side of the lake."

Just trying to balance things a bit. I have never been in favor of ethnic or racial jokes. They are almost always told by non-members of the targeted ethnic group and there is always the assumption that members of the targeted ethnic group "don't mind at all." I can assure you that, most of the time, they do, but good manners generally prevent them from objecting.

 

[Si modo]

George "O'Tool" Bush and Condi "Finnigan" Rice go fishing and find themselves on opposite sides of the lake. Condi yells over to George, "Hey, how do I get to the other side of the lake?" George yells back, "You are on the other side of the lake."

Just trying to balance things a bit. I have never been in favor of ethnic or racial jokes. They are almost always told by non-members of the targeted ethnic group and there is always the assumption that members of the targeted ethnic group "don't mind at all." I can assure you that, most of the time, they do, but good manners generally prevent them from objecting.

Funny thing is that I am Irish American and my favorite jokes are Irish jokes. Most Irish Americans I know are the same way.

But, as I said, I just don't care for Swagger all that much, so am in no mood to share them here.

I respect your position, though most of those with Irish blood can take it just fine and actually enjoy it.

 

[L.K.Eder]

i know the best irish jokes.

you can PM me, and i may tell you some.













please PM me.

 

[manifold]

What's the difference between and Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?


One less drunk.

 

[L.K.Eder]

What's the difference between and Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?


One less drunk.

i don't know. if it is a private wedding and a huge wake, there will of course be more drunks at the wake.

or are you talking about the very same set of irish folks at said wedding and said funeral?

this is very confusing.

 

[L.K.Eder]

ah, i get it now.






























nah, still not there.

 

[Blagger]

Just trying to balance things a bit. I have never been in favor of ethnic or racial jokes. They are almost always told by non-members of the targeted ethnic group and there is always the assumption that members of the targeted ethnic group "don't mind at all." I can assure you that, most of the time, they do, but good manners generally prevent them from objecting.

Funny thing is that I am Irish American and my favorite jokes are Irish jokes. Most Irish Americans I know are the same way.

But, as I said, I just don't care for Swagger all that much, so am in no mood to share them here.

I respect your position, though most of those with Irish blood can take it just fine and actually enjoy it.

That's fantastic news. You'll love these:


Two Irish pilots flying An Air Fungus jet on final approach at Cork Airport,

First pilot said: "Bejesus! Look how short this runway is."

Second pilot said: "Yes, but look how fucking wide it is!"


NEWSFLASH!

The Irish government have announced that, as of next week, all cars in Ireland will now drive on the right hand side of the road. If this is a success, all buses and trucks will follow a week later.


Woman: "Help, help, an Irishman tried to rape me!"

Cop: "How do you know he was Irish?"

Woman: "I had to help him."


Irelands worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging goes on into the night.


(Most Americans rarely get this one, but I'll chuck it in anyway)

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.

"Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

 

[L.K.Eder]

most of the ***** will take ages to get that one.

two irish monks walk into a bar.

how much yoghurt ate the leprechaun?

 

[elvis]

most of the ***** will take ages to get that one.

two irish monks walk into a bar.

how much yoghurt ate the leprechaun?

ekelhaft