Iraquis Fear Obesity May Be Next

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Adam's Apple, Aug 29, 2005.

  1. Adam's Apple
    Offline

    Adam's Apple Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2004
    Messages:
    4,092
    Thanks Received:
    445
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +447
    Iraqis Reject Democracy, Fearing Obesity May Be Next
    By Andy Borowitz, www.borowitzreport.com

    Sunnis, Shiites and Kurds Report Worrisome Weight Gains Since U.S. Invasion

    Hopes for a new Iraqi constitution suffered a major setback today as Iraqis rejected American-style democracy, fearing that it could usher in American-style obesity in its wake.

    The decision to scuttle democracy as a way of avoiding obesity was announced by the Shiite leader Abdul-Aziz Hakim in a press conference in Baghdad.

    “If, by embracing democracy, Iraqis will all become obese like those Americans you see at their Wal-Mart, then we will have none of it,” Mr. Hakim said, vehemently pounding his fist on the table.

    While Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds have been divided on most issues relating to Iraq’s new constitution, fear of obesity seems to the one uniting force that has galvanized the nation’s three factious ethnic groups.

    Since the U.S. invasion in March 2003, the average Iraqi has reported weight gains of between fifteen and twenty pounds as the nation has struggled to adapt to the sudden influx of McDonald’s, Applebee’s, and Boston Market restaurants, now a mainstay of every Iraqi thoroughfare.

    At the White House, spokesman Scott McClellan said that the U.S. would soon send dispatch a representative to Iraq “to assure the Iraqi people that democracy and obesity do not necessarily go hand in hand.”

    While Mr. McClellan indicated that such a representative had not yet been chosen, he told reporters, “It probably won’t be Cheney.”

    http://www.borowitzreport.com/
     
  2. Abbey Normal
    Offline

    Abbey Normal Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2005
    Messages:
    4,825
    Thanks Received:
    391
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Mid-Atlantic region
    Ratings:
    +391
    Oh no. I'm getting images of Size 3X burqas. :D
     
  3. MissileMan
    Offline

    MissileMan Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2004
    Messages:
    2,939
    Thanks Received:
    223
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +223
    Would you buy those at Burqa King or Wendhi's? :teeth:
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  4. GotZoom
    Offline

    GotZoom Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2005
    Messages:
    5,719
    Thanks Received:
    366
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Cordova, TN
    Ratings:
    +366
    After this, Peta will get involved. All those oversized Iraqi's riding camels.....
     
  5. Abbey Normal
    Offline

    Abbey Normal Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2005
    Messages:
    4,825
    Thanks Received:
    391
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Mid-Atlantic region
    Ratings:
    +391
    :clap1:
     

Share This Page