I'm soul-searching.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by dmp, Nov 4, 2004.

  1. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    As I think back to my childhood, I remember dressing up in my father's army clothes and playing soldier. Sometimes I'd play 'cowboys and Indians'. I'd lay in bed at night and dream about being an Astronaut. A Fireman. An adventurer reminiscent of zjenjess kahn. Never in my desires do I remember dreaming about becoming an 0301-category General Administrative person. I never longed to make copies. Never did I eagerly anticipate putting a PowerPoint presentation together. In fact, to the best of my memory, none of my friends ever dreamed about THEIR current jobs either. How many 7 year old boys want to be Network Administrators? How many little girls wanted to be Business professionals? No...Boys wanted to be heroes. Girls wanted to be mommies. That's about it.

    Just a few minutes ago I was reading National Geographic, while getting paid to watch a copy machine reproduce slides to be given out at a meeting this afternoon. I read about a place in British Columbia where 'success' meant 'not dying'. I read about a people who valued only two things: Meat and Heat. Everything else was a luxury. There was something in the story which has stirred my soul a little bit. I'd bet my annual income working as a 'planner/action officer' is more than that entire community makes. However, in their story I saw what true success looks like. I saw people not distracted by what they can buy. I saw people who were living at the very basic roots of existence - and people who knew a happiness like no other.

    Perhaps in our desire for 'progress' humankind has betrayed the very best things in life - our sense of living.

    In all likelihood the feelings I have now will pass soon. I'll go back to clipping together papers which likely will be left on the table - yet I HAVE to put together JUST INCASE one guy decides he wants one, and we don't have any. I'll go back to spending tens of hours per week trying to anticipate and answer any question "The Boss" may have about ANY subject even remotely related to my project. I'll try to cover EVERY base - knowing 80% of my efforts will be wasted. But what if the General wants to know what the data looked like last year?? What if the General wants to see every version of every report I've done? What if he decides he doesn't like the shade of 'green' I picked out for the status markers?

    (sigh).

    I'm not really living. I'm not doing what I 'want' to do. I'm doing what I 'have' to do in order to provide money for my family. Wouldn't it be nice if providing for my family meant 'snagging a 300lbs caribou?' Or my wife 'finding a stash of berries to can before the bears or birds eat them'?

    Yeah...that'd be pretty cool. That would be 'success'.
     
  2. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    Don't take this the wrong way, but are you in the 35-40 age group?
     
  3. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    31 - 32 next month. But every year in the Army is like 7 years in human years....so I'm like...75? on the inside. :)
     
  4. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    Well, you're too young to be going thru a mid-life crisis or male menopause.

    Are you serious, do you often feel this way or just a passing mood, or a rouse? Please don't get your panties in a twist. I'm just asking.
     
  5. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    I haven't worn panties since I was 22. :)

    I'm not in a 'mood'...not 'depressed'...just making observations on life; re-evalutating what I thought 'success' looked like. I'm a dreamer, by nature. I'm dreaming aloud (via text) of a simplified lifestyle. A life where the pressures to make a buck were trumped by the pressure to 'hunt, shoot, kill, dress, and carry home a 'buck'. :D
     
  6. Fmr jarhead
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    Fmr jarhead Senior Member

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    Don't despair....you are doing something for the greater good, and I thank you for your service, and sacrifice! There are many millions (I can think of over 58 million of us) who are greatful you are a part of the wheel that keeps us safe!

    There are a great many opportunities out there that can provide you the satisfaction and enjoyment AND provide for your family. Maybe I am just lucky to have been able to turn a "hobby" in to a career that has provided me the leisure that I desire, and the creativity that I seek, as well as the freedom to work independently.

    Reward only comes with risk, and I am seeking even greater reward, and facing more risk (failure....) but sometimes you gotta let it hang out, in order to acheive the goals that are truly important to you personally.

    It's easy to sit on this side and type it.....only you can get what is important to you, but be prepared for setbacks a long the way!

    Find the balance that works best for you!
     
  7. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    Oh.
     
  8. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    And to think, 1000 years ago, I would have had to climb a mountain during a blizzard to find such wisdom ...thank you guru.

    :D
     
  9. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    Great advise! Either way D, B.C. weed is pretty good. :D
     
  10. Fmr jarhead
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    Fmr jarhead Senior Member

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    ...in bare feet, or skins if you were strong enough to tackle a bison!

    (sorry, I didn't mean to offend)
     

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