I'm bored....

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Amanda, Apr 8, 2009.

  1. Amanda
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    Amanda Calm as a Hindu cow

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    entertain me or tickle my rep button, you'll like it I promise. :tongue:
     
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  2. Toro
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    Toro Diamond Member

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    OK

    >>>> i got this in the mail from a friend. . . im not quite sure if

    >>>there's a point to it but its hilarious...

    >>

    >>>> I like monkeys.

    >>>>

    >>>> The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece.

    >>>>

    >>>> I thought this was odd since

    >>>> they are normally a couple thousand apiece.

    >>>>

    >>>> I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of

    >>>them.

    >>>>

    >>>> I like monkeys.

    >>>>

    >>>>

    >>>> I took my 200 monkeys home.

    >>>

    >>>> I have a big car.

    >>>>

    >>>> I let one of them drive.

    >>>

    >>>> His name was Sigmund.

    >>>>

    >>>> He was retarded.

    >>>>

    >>>> In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching

    >>>themselves in

    >>>> the genitals.

    >>>>

    >>>> I laughed.

    >>>>

    >>>> They punched me in the genitals.

    >>>>

    >>>> I stopped laughing.

    >>>>

    >>>>

    >>>> When I got home, I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very

    >>>well to

    >>>> their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off

    >>>the couch

    >>>> at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first,

    >>>the

    >>>> spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.

    >>>>

    >>>> Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:

    >>>>

    >>>> they all died.

    >>>>

    >>>> No apparent reason.

    >>>>

    >>>> They all just sort of dropped dead.

    >>>> Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.

    >>>>

    >>>> God damn cheap monkeys.

    >>>>

    >>>> I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all

    >>>over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase.

    >>>>

    >>>> It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

    >>>>

    >>>>

    >>>> I tried to flush one down the toilet.

    >>>>

    >>>> It didn't work.

    >>>>

    >>>> It got stuck.

    >>>>

    >>>> Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead,

    >>>dry

    >>>monkeys.

    >>>>

    >>>> I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals.

    >>>>

    >>>>

    >>>> That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to decompose.

    >>>>

    >>>> It started to smell real bad.

    >>>>

    >>>> I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and

    >>>> I didn't want to call a plumber.

    >>>>

    >>>> I was embarrassed.

    >>>>

    >>>> I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.

    >>>

    >>>> Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had

    >>>to change them every 30 seconds.

    >>>

    >>> I also had to eat allthe food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.

    >>>>

    >>>> I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was

    >>>flammable.

    >>>>

    >>>> I had to extinguish the fire.

    >>>>

    >>>> Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen

    >>>monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred

    >>>monkeys

    >>>in a pile on my bed, and the odor wasn't improving.

    >>>>

    >>>> I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys

    >>and

    >>>I really had to use the bathroom.

    >>>>

    >>>> So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys.

    >>>>

    >>>> I felt better.

    >>>>

    >>>> I tried throwing them away, but the garbage man said the city

    >>>> was not allowed to dispose of charred primates.

    >>>>

    >>>> I told him I had a wet one.

    >>>>

    >>>> He couldn't take it either.

    >>>>

    >>>> I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

    >>>>

    >>>> I finally arrived at a solution:

    >>>>

    >>>> I gave them out as Christmas gifts.

    >>>>

    >>>> My friends didn't quite know what to say.

    >>>>

    >>>> They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying.

    >>>>

    >>>> Ingrates.

    >>>>

    >>>> So I punched them in the genitals.

    >>>>

    >>>> God, I like monkeys.
     
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  3. xotoxi
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    xotoxi Platinum Member

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    There once was a gal named Amanda

    Who went to the zoo to see pandas

    She bought a hot dog

    And sat on a log

    And ate it.
     
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  4. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    WOMEN'S REVENGE
    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
    As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
     
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  5. Amanda
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    Amanda Calm as a Hindu cow

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    That was pretty good, it made me smile, but I already repped you so you'll have to wait a while.

    (oops, that was to Toro... but you're all helping. Thx!!!)
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2009
  6. Burp
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    Burp Always carry, never tell

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    Fur-lined paddle or cuffs?
     
  7. Amanda
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    Amanda Calm as a Hindu cow

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    I kinda prefer a full set of restraints. :tongue:
     
  8. Burp
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    Burp Always carry, never tell

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    Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.
     
  9. elvis
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    elvis BANNED Supporting Member

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    If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
     
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  10. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    face up or face down.....
     

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