If Obama were Jesus: a Christmas list

Discussion in 'Politics' started by Doc91678, Dec 24, 2012.

  1. Doc91678
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    December 24, 2012
    Red Square



    Is Obama really like Jesus? While his miraculous superpowers have always been part of the progressive narrative, there has recently been a increase in sightings of Barack Obama's divine nature in the mainstream culture - from a painting that depicts the president as crucified Christ, to Jamie Foxx calling Barack Obama our lord and savior, to a Florida professor who described Obama as an apostle sent to create "heaven here on earth."

    Thus, let us ponder on this Christmas Eve about whether our world would be better off if Christ were to equal Obama in moral and intellectual prowess. In fact, let us make a list (and check it twice) of what he would do differently:


    (Excerpt)

    Read more at
    If Obama was Jesus: a Christmas list
     
  2. Lakhota
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    Lakhota Diamond Member

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    FOUR MORE YEARS!!!!!

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  4. Doc91678
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  5. LoneLaugher
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    Take a fucking Christmas break, wil ya?
     
  6. Doc91678
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    Thus, let us ponder on this Christmas Eve about whether we would be better off if Christ were to equal Obama in moral and intellectual prowess. In fact, let us make a list (and check it twice) of what he would do differently:

    •He would apologize to Egypt for the renegade Exodus and restore the security and equality of bondage for all.
    •He would take money from the Temple to bail out the money changers.
    •He would feed the multitudes with five government forms and a roll of red tape.
    •All writing on the wall would have to be bilingual by government mandate.
    •Disciples would be Palestinians.
    •His mentor would try to blow up the Temple.
    •Judea papyrus printers would never criticize his actions.
    •Public schools would teach about him during his own lifetime.
    •The Nazarenes would stop clinging to their slingshots and Torahs.
    •Sodom and Gomorrah would be vibrant cultural centers of tolerance and diversity.
    •Planned Parenthood would be eliminating the firstborns better than the failed Herod administration.
    •The government would limit the size of Roman chariots to avoid climate change.
    •Businesses would be found guilty of killing the Dead Sea and be shut down.
    •The Last Supper would cost the taxpayers 1.4 billion shekels.
    •He would tell Pontius Pilate, "Wait until after the crucifixion, I'll be more flexible then."​
     
  7. Doc91678
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    If Jesus was a Democrat -

    He would hit on Mary Magdaline and left her in the car to drown after driving it off a bridge at the Jordan River. Then declare the other side has declared a War On Women. While having no women among the disciples.

    At the feeding of the Five Thousand, He would have had his SEIU goon disciples strongarm people with plenty of food to hand it over so He could hand it out to the lazy, indigent and weak-minded – in exchange for a vote for Him next election. OR – He would have passed out 5,000 food stamps.

    ….he would make sure everyone follows the 10 Commandments, but exempt Himself from them.

    …. if anyone were critical of Him, he'd wither their vocal cords.

    …..He wouldn't be the Prince of Peace. He'd be the King of Chaos. You have to create problems before you can fix them. His “followers” would become occupiers.

    …..He wouldn't stop at 10 percent for tithes. Hard workers would have taxes raised on their earnings to take care of the so-called “oppressed” standing around with their hands out.

    ...healing would be replaced by Jesuscare...where, if you were approved by the political panel, you'd get immediate treatment in 6 to 9 months. In the meantime, take an aspirin and hope what you have isn't fatal in the short run.

    ...all menorahs and lamps must be solar powered, as He would be against the greedy pigs of Big Olive Oil. He would give billions to solar lamp firms which would then go bankrupt and the money would be missing.

    ….the wedding at Cana would have been a gay one.

    ….He would make sure all His bios say He was born in Bethlehem, not Kenya.​
     
  8. del
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    ^ if jesus was an asshole he'd be posting this horseshit
     

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