Discussion in 'Humor' started by CivilLiberty, Nov 15, 2004.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up like an alter boy!
Does this mean you fantasize of sex with alter boys? I mean after all you cant get a nun pregnant unless you have sex with her and if you have to dress her up as an alter boy isnt that indication of some problems?
I know you were trying to tell a joke but its a bad one regardless. I tend not to joke about molesting boys. Its just poor taste.
At least he's becoming more overt in his anti-religious postings. I like it better than the stuff that's hidden in some other "agenda".
Poor taste ?---Agreed.
Actually, my girlfriend - who is a Catholic (and a sunday school teacher, and sings in the choir) - told this joke to me.
I like a woman with a sense of humor.
Hey guys, that's an altar boy. Now normally I don't pick on people's spelling, but when you spell it "alter boy", you're making it sound like the kid is about to get a sex change.
I agree that the joke was in poor taste and thoroughly disgusting. Here's one that's MUCH more refined:
A priest goes out to lunch at a Mexican restaurant's all you can eat buffet. The food is so good that he goes back for seconds - refried beans and all. That evening, during confession Montezuma begins exacting revenge. There is a long line of repentant sinners waiting for the confessional and the priest does not want to make them wait, so he suffers the gut-churning torment as long as he can.
Finally, a longtime parishioner and personal friend, Frank, comes into the confessional. "Frank" whispers the priest "You've GOT to help me out. I'm about to crap in my drawers. Come over here and take confession for me while I run to the bathroom."
"I can't do that!" Frank protests. "I'm not a priest and besides, how would I know what to assign for penance?"
The priest pulls frank into his compartment and says "Look, it's no problem. All you have to do is look at this list. I have all sins alphabetized and cross-referenced and the penance is listed next to each."
Reluctantly, Frank agrees.
The next parishioner comes into the confessional and begins a litany of wrongdoings. Frank is busily taking notes, looking up the penance and then assigns the proper penance. This goes on for some time as the priest has been delayed far longer than he anticipated.
Finally a parishioner comes in and confesses that he has engaged in homosexual acts. Frank looks at the list of sins and finds nothing under "H". Concerned, he looks under "A" for "acts" - nothing. Increasingly desperate, Frank looks under "Q" and "F" and still finds nothing.
In a panic, Frank peeks through the curtains and sees an altar boy passing close by.
"Psssssst - hey kid" whispers Frank. "Come here".
When the altar boy approached, Frank hisses "Hey, what does the priest usually give for homosexual acts?"
To which the altar boy responds "It depends, but usually it's a Pepsi Cola and a Snickers bar."
Okay, tell me I'm a pervert.
Two nun's were walking through the park. All of a sudden two BIG thugs jump out from behind the bushes and dragged them in opposite directions. A voice in the night cried out, Oh help him Father, for he knows not what he does".
Another voice cried out, "Mine does."
Two nuns were assigned to a parrish in an ancient town in Germany.
One day while touring the town, they took a wrong turn and ended up getting a very bouncy ride because the street they had blundered onto was paved with cobblestones.
"I've never come this way before" said the first nun.
The second sighed and smiled "It's the cobblestones, sister."
one day th holy father decides to sneak out of the vatican for a walk among the flock.....he disguises himself as a servant and take a stoll all over rome.....he returns late in the evening....as he sits and ponders his day mother superior approaches him and inquires how the ponifs day was....he tells of his disguse and all the people he met and and that he saw and waht a wonderful time he had....he then spoke of being confused by one thing...all of these lovley young women kep asking me this strange question ...........motherer superior " what is a blow job?".........same as on the outside $20
A blonde nun was in her room one night saying a prayer. God spoke to her & said, "My child, you have been a sweet & faithful servant". I would like to do something special for you. Anything".
The nun tho't for a minute and said, "You know, I really hate all those 'dumb blonde' jokes. They make me feel so bad".
God spoke, "Let all blonde jokes be stricken from the minds of all mankind".
Then the nun said, "There's one more small thing. Really not worthy of Your time".
"What is it my child"?
"It's those M & M's, God. They're so hard to peel."
Separate names with a comma.