How Conservatives and Liberals came to be

Discussion in 'Current Events' started by Claudette, Feb 8, 2011.

  1. Claudette
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    Claudette Gold Member

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    Just got this from my sister. Thought it was cute.


    Here is a condensed version:

    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in
    the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together
    were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

    1. Liberals
    2. Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and making art. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

    Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

    Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare..

    Another interesting evolutionary side note: most liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.

    Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women.
    Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical
    doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production.
    Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained
    in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history.

    It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

    A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.


    And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....

    I'm going to have another beer!
     
  2. uscitizen
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    uscitizen Senior Member

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    The con gene is to blame.
    It causes the fear portion of the brain to be enlarged.
     
  3. Claudette
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    Claudette Gold Member

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    Are you having a beer or what US??? LOL
     
  4. Sallow
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    Sallow The Big Bad Wolf. Supporting Member

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    Here's the real version.

    A Liberal invented the wheel and the beer. Then he picked up a Conservative while riding around on his wheel and treated him to beer.

    The Conservative then mused, "I don't have the smarts to make wheels and beer..how ever can I possess these things". Then the Conservative said to the Liberal, "I have money..and wish to purchase the beer and wheel". The Liberal said, "Money? What's that". The Conservative got mad and attacked the Liberal who roundly thrashed the Conservative. After which the Conservative said, "You'll be hearing from my lawyer!!".
     
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  5. Claudette
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    Claudette Gold Member

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    Guess the pissed off part was right. LOL
     
  6. uscitizen
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    uscitizen Senior Member

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    Last edited: Feb 8, 2011
  7. rightwinger
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    rightwinger Paid Messageboard Poster Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

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    Pissed off? No

    Lame analogy? Yes
     
  8. Claudette
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    Claudette Gold Member

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    I'm surprised you would take it seriously.

    I didn't.
     

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