- Oct 31, 2012
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Meet Fred Robinson, a homeless man who entered the Capital early this morning who was mistaken for John Fetterman. "The door was open, so I just walked in" said Robinson. "I thought, what is the worst that could happen to me?" "What, are they going to lock me up for 30 years for walking into the Capital with the door wide open", said Fred, "Ha, ha, ha, ha...". "I thought at the very least, I could panhandle a bit or find a bite to eat". Nancy Pelosi was quoted as saying, "I had a bit of double vision that morning and feeling a bit tipsy, but I could have sworn it was Fetterman with that gorgeous bald head of his." "I'm glad no one shot him dead this time cuz I liked this guy".
A spokesperson for the DNC acknowledged the fact that Fred voted in place of Fetterman who was later found walking aimlessly at the Thomas Jefferson Memorial. "It seemed like a nice home and the door was wide open, so here I am!" said Fetterman.
A second vote is not scheduled since a DNC spokesperson said that they notify Fetterman how to vote on everything since he is unable to process any information on his own after the stroke, stating, "Yea, we told him to vote the same way, so no reason for another vote". "No charges will be filed against the homeless man" said the DNC spokesman,, but added, "However, we would have put him in jail for 30 years had he not voted the way we liked, ha, ha, ha, ha."
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