Ho ho ho ha ha ha

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Stephanie, Dec 12, 2005.

  1. Stephanie
    Offline

    Stephanie Diamond Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    70,236
    Thanks Received:
    10,818
    Trophy Points:
    2,040
    Ratings:
    +27,360
    December 11, 2005
    It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like ... Something Else
    By John Leo

    A Christmas quiz:
    The "winter program" at Ridgeway Elementary School in Dodgeville, Wis., changed the lyrics of the Christmas carol "Silent Night" to the more inclusive "Cold in the Night." ("Cold in the night, no one in sight, winter winds whirl and bite.") After this success, the program's next step will obviously be:

    (a) Changing "O Holy Night" to "Uh-oh! Wholly night!" a song about a lunar eclipse.

    (b) Singing "O Little Town of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania."

    (c) A song celebrating the comeback of the American auto industry, "Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Ford."

    (d) A ditty about hoping for snow at the Panama Canal, "I'm dreaming of a white isthmus."

    The modern name for Christmas trees is now:

    (a) Giving trees

    (b) Trees of color

    (c) Seasonal conifers

    (d) Inclusion bushes

    (e) Tall lit-up flora

    (f) Those pointy green things with needles and lights

    Some schools have ruled that red and green cookies cannot be brought into class in December because the color combination strongly suggests the divisive sectarian feast day of Christmas. Therefore:

    (a) Red cookies may be brought to school. Green ones too. But, please, not on the same day.

    (b) A fruit bowl containing just pears and cherries is a serious constitutional matter and should be reported immediately to the ACLU, care of the Christmas erasure desk.

    (c) In December, the San Francisco 49ers may not be shown playing the New York Jets, except on black-and-white TV sets.

    (d) All traffic lights must be turned off until Jan. 1.

    The three wise men in the Nativity scene are objectionable because:

    (a) They fail the multicultural test. Though one is black, neither of the other two is a disabled lesbian, wiccan or vegan.

    (b) "Wise Men" should be "Persons of Wisdom."

    (c) Describing the first people to come to see Jesus as "wise" implies that idiots can't become Christians, which experience tells us is just not so.

    Christians believe Jesus came down to Earth and made himself human in order to encourage:

    (a) Consumer confidence

    (b) Season's greetings

    (c) A festive period between bowl games

    (d) His birth scene to be surrounded by plastic reindeer, elves and court-pleasing woodland creatures

    (e) Frenzied end-of-year gift giving

    (f) Religious songs that are easily converted into weather songs in Wisconsin

    (g) The ACLU Christmas-erasure desk

    It's beginning to look a lot like:

    (a) Christmas

    (b) Hanukkah

    (c) Kwanzaa

    (d) Indianapolis is a lock to win the Super Bowl

    Before backing down and permitting a full Nativity scene, a public library in Memphis agreed to allow the scene, but only if the baby Jesus, Joseph, Mary and the wise men were removed. This left a shepherd boy and some farm animals. Next year the library will accept a Nativity scene only if it consists of:

    (a) A shepherd boy and some chickens

    (b) A shepherd boy and some ferrets

    (c) A shepherd boy explaining that the head librarian in Memphis thinks with a brain that may or may not be the result of Intelligent Design.
     
  2. Adam's Apple
    Offline

    Adam's Apple Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2004
    Messages:
    4,092
    Thanks Received:
    445
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +447
    Cute post, Stephanie. I particularly liked this entry:

    It's beginning to look a lot like:
    (d) Indianapolis is a lock to win the Super Bowl.

    Hope that one pans out. Sounds good to me.
     
  3. Said1
    Offline

    Said1 VIP Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2004
    Messages:
    12,087
    Thanks Received:
    937
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Location:
    Somewhere in Ontario
    Ratings:
    +937
    What abut Christmaska? My personal fav. :laugh:
     
  4. no1tovote4
    Offline

    no1tovote4 VIP Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2004
    Messages:
    10,294
    Thanks Received:
    616
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Location:
    Colorado
    Ratings:
    +616
    I always thought it was Happy Hanuchristmakwanzikanalia!
     
  5. Said1
    Offline

    Said1 VIP Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2004
    Messages:
    12,087
    Thanks Received:
    937
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Location:
    Somewhere in Ontario
    Ratings:
    +937

    We're a little slow up here, you might just be right. :D
     
  6. fuzzykitten99
    Offline

    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2004
    Messages:
    2,965
    Thanks Received:
    199
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    You'll have to check the Marauder's Map...
    Ratings:
    +199
    i dunno...the vikings are on their 6th win, one more and they tie for division 1st...we may have a miracle on our hands.
     
  7. Abbey Normal
    Offline

    Abbey Normal Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2005
    Messages:
    4,825
    Thanks Received:
    391
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Mid-Atlantic region
    Ratings:
    +391
    Please tell me the school didn't really change Silent Night!

    "Inclusion bushes" - hysterical!
     
  8. The ClayTaurus
    Offline

    The ClayTaurus Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2005
    Messages:
    7,062
    Thanks Received:
    332
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +333
    It's the NFC north, it's a miracle if you AREN'T in first place.
     

Share This Page