Hillbillies.

Discussion in 'Humor' started by froggy, Mar 30, 2010.

  1. froggy
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    froggy Gold Member

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    A Hillbilly went hunting one day in Bladen County and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery Deputy Sheriff who didn't like hillbillies.
    The deputy ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license; the hillbilly pulled out a valid No. Carolina hunting license.
    The deputy looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said,'This duck ain't from here .This is a Tennessee duck. You got a Tennessee huntin'license,boy?'
    The hillbilly reached in to his wallet and produced a Tennessee hunting license.
    The deputylooked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt,and said 'This ain't no Tennessee duck. This duck's From Mississippi . You got a Mississippi license?'
    The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Mississippi hunting license.
    The deputy then reached over and picked up the third duck,sniffed its butt,and said,
    'This ain't no Mississippi duck.. This here duck's from South Carolina .. You got a South Carolina huntin' license?'
    Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina hunting license.
    The Deputy Sheriff was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly, 'Boy, just where the hell are you from?'
    The hillbilly turned around, dropped his pants, bent over, and said, 'You tell me. You're the expert.'
     
  2. froggy
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    froggy Gold Member

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    One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like the dickens!! I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

    'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.

    'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart . Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

    It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a doctor.'

    So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

    He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

    10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
    'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and Epsom salts found on aisle 2. Avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'

    That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began wondering if the computer could be f ooled.

    He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

    Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. H e deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

    The computer prints the following:

    1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
    2. Your dog has ringworm.. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
    3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
    4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
    5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

    Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart
     
  3. Hillbilly Girl
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    Hillbilly Girl BANNED

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    That was my pa, we're from Wisconsin.
     
  4. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    Q: How many Hillbillies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: Nobody knows, or for that matter, cares.
     
  5. Rat in the Hat
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    Rat in the Hat Gold Member

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    A: One to hold the bulb, 60 to turn the trailer, and 449 to keep Hillbilly Girl occupied while the other 60 are turning the trailer.

    Next question.

    How many of Hillbilly Girl's tribe does it take to make popcorn.

    A: None. They're so stupid, they haven't discovered fire yet.
     

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