Genesis jokes

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Merlin1047, Oct 28, 2004.

  1. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"

    Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

    God said, "I was going to give you a companion and it would be a woman. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed.

    Adam asked God, "What would a woman like this cost me??"

    God said, "An arm and a leg."

    Adam asked, "What can I get for just a rib???"

    And now you know...the rest of the story.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good
    news and some bad news" said the Lord.

    Adam looked at the Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first."

    Smiling, the Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called the brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is a called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your own intelligent new life form and populate this planet. It will give both you and Eve pleasure. She will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."

    Adam, very excited, exclaimed "these are great gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

    The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "the bad news is that when I created you I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."


    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

    "What's the problem, Eve?"

    "Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

    "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

    "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

    "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

    "What's a man, Lord?"

    "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vain and glorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But...he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."

    "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?"

    "Well... you can have him on one condition."

    "What's that, Lord?"

    "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret...You know, woman to woman."
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Months pass after God created Eve for Adam. During one of his morning strolls, God joins him. God asks Adam, "How is your woman?"

    Adam replies back, "God, she's wonderful....except..."

    God looks puzzled and replies, "Except what??"

    Adam says, "Why did you make her so stupid and ignorant?"

    God replies back to Adam, "So she would love you."

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Adam and Eve had just consumated their relationship for the first time and Adam was sitting against a tree smoking a cigerette. About this time God comes through the bushes and sees Adam's smug smile. Now God being all knowing says "Adam, I see you and Eve have experienced the pleasures of the flesh as I had planned. Very good indeed. By the way, where is Eve?"

    Adam replies, "Lord, she's down at the river washing up."

    God rushes toward the river screaming, " OH NOOOOO!!! Now I'll never get that smell out of those fish!"
     
  2. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    Wouldn't want to stand too close to you. They say you never see the lightning bolt that hits you. :shocked: But I can't leave you alone.

    You know, Adam & Eve had the perfect marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
     
  3. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    LOL - I'm going to let you have the last word on this one. Our last posting contest damn near wore me out.

    :)
     
  4. Dan
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    Dan Senior Member

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    I'm disappointed, I was expecting some jokes about Sonic the Hedgehog or Toejam & Earl.

    Genesis, get it? :thup:
     
  5. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    Spoil sport.
     
  6. Johnney
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    Johnney Senior Member

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    toejam and earl ruled!
     

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