Do I tell my mom & step-dad about this?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by fuzzykitten99, Sep 27, 2005.

  1. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    My sister came over yesterday and wanted to use the internet for a science research project. I helped her with some places to look, and I left her at that. She's a good kid, 12, and gets very good grades *A's & B's* dispite her dislexia. Mom doesn't have internet, so since i live a few blocks away, she comes here. I have no problem as long as she calls first.

    She then also asked permission to check her email. I said ok, as long as she doesn't download anything.

    So I go into the history to look for a site I was on yesterday, but could not remember the address. I see this site called www.myscene.com and my curiosity got the best of me. I clicked it JUST to make sure she wasn't into anything not age appropriate.

    Turns out this is a site where teens meet, chat, and whatever. It looks innocent enough, just from browsing the main parts. But in order to look up anyone you have to be a member. So, I signed up for a free membership and looked up my sister's name. I found her but what I found on her self-described profile made me a bit nervous. She is 12, will be 13 this Nov. She listed herself as 16. The people she has on her profile listed as 'friends' go all the way up to 17. This is kinda creepy. These people are listed to be from our area-walk or bike distance-, and I hate to think that my sister is meeting up with these guys. She hangs out at friends houses a lot, but she has always been like that. She's a big social butterfly. But the fact that she lists herself as 16, and talks to guys that age, makes me think I should tell my mom. BUT...I know how it was to be that age. You wanted to hang out with all the kids that were older because you wanted to be treated that way. And maybe she just chats with these people, considering she's only in middle school, where she would not see these people on a regular basis. It could be she just wants to be that age for a while, but doesn't do anything about it otherwise.

    The only other thing that bothers me is what she wrote in her 'blurbs'. This is verbatim, copied & pasted from site:

    She's 12 and writes this kind of stuff??

    I want to tell my mom, but I know my mom will get super mad before talking with my sister about it. Maybe I should talk to my sister about this? I don't want to run to mom, and have my sister think I was snooping, which I wasn't since it's my computer. But I feel like she would hate me. I know if I were her, I would have a hard time trusting someone who did the same thing to me.

    Sorry this is so long, but I really need guidance on this. I haven't told my husband what I found yet, but I will eventually.
     
  2. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    if it was your daughter would you want to know?
     
  3. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    I'd talk to her about it, then let her know you ARE telling your mom. Perhaps you could be present when your mom speaks with her also.
     
  4. Hagbard Celine
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    Hagbard Celine Senior Member

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    What's wrong with what she wrote? She's upset about her weight/appearance like every 12-year-old. She wants people to think she's 16 so they won't think she's a baby. She's friends with guys, so she's straight. She condones violence toward gays and whores, so she's sticking to her conservative upbringing. And she likes Kelly Clarkson (who doesn't?) and Avril Lavigne.

    I think if you talk to your sister about it, she would think you are low for spying on her. And if you taddle tail on her, then you'd just be a rat.

    I'd leave it alone.
     
  5. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    this has nothing to do with what i asked. please refrain from speaking like this about my sister. you have been warned.
     
  6. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    yes, but is this something i should be worried about? She does not look even close to 16, so that itself may prevent her from actually meeting up with these guys. But then again, these guys are 16 & 17, so who knows if they aren't opposed to hanging out with a 12yo for, um, other reasons?
     
  7. Shattered
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    I wouldn't think anyone could believe for a minute that she's 16, with the way she types.. 2 meet? B cuz?

    I'd talk to her about it, and leave it go.
     
  8. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Hagbard, I'll second this, (what is bolded), take heed.

    With that said, as a middle school teacher and parent:

    Fuzzy, does she think now that you are 'cool,' meaning trustworthy? If yes, tell her you check history everyday. You found this and are very concerned and want to talk to her, before you share it with her mom and dad. Let her cry, laugh, whatever. After she gets that out, offer her a choice, you'll tell the parents or she can, with you present.

    The reason you wish to be present is to throw a voice of reason, reckoning on the fantasy life of middle schoolers, which will put us middle agers to shame.

    Now, if she thinks you are a dweeb, inform her of what you found, (she won't be surprised, since you are already among the 'untrustworthy' adults), and preceed with the choice of who tells and so on.

    Either way, she is in trouble, but should be with love.
     
  9. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    i looked at a couple of her 'friends', and some type the same way. They might be 13 or 14 as well, posing as 16+.

    I did even run across one guy who is 18, and one who is 21! The rest are girls who are 15/16 and guys 16/17. What 21yo hangs out at a site like this and talks to kids?

    Hard part is, how do I break this to my mom, cuz I definitely want to tell her, and I feel she needs to know. But I am also thinking if either of us talk to my sister, she might say she just talks to them online, but nothing else. I just wouldn't know if that were true or not. I don't want her to not take me seriously if I do talk to her.
     
  10. Shattered
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    If the girls are all pretending to be 16/17, I'd think the guys are pretending to be 21 as well.. If she's really a good kid (which I believe you previously stated).. I'd still talk to her, and leave your mother out of it, unless it happens again.. But, that's just my opinion, and what I'd do with my niece if it came down to it... I'm the "cool" aunt, but she does listen to me...
     

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