Cop Humor

Discussion in 'Humor' started by no1tovote4, Mar 10, 2005.

  1. no1tovote4

    no1tovote4 Gold Member

    Apr 13, 2004
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    So you thought that cops had no sense of humor--- The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

    1. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out
    after you wear them awhile.”
    2. “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a
    worthless document.”
    3. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
    4. “Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know,
    that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”
    5. “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write
    anything I want on the ticket, huh?” “Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift
    supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh ... did I mention
    that I am the shift supervisor?”
    6. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do That again or
    I’ll give you another ticket.”
    7. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
    not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
    8. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
    9. “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”
    10. “Just how big were those two beers?”
    11. “No sir we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we’re
    allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”
    12. “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
    At least you know someone who can post your bail.”
    (And maybe the best one of all)
    13. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t…
    Sign here
  2. fuzzykitten99

    fuzzykitten99 VIP Member

    Apr 23, 2004
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    You'll have to check the Marauder's Map...
    there was one that pulled me and my hubby over that was not that funny.. i think she gave us the ticket because we didn't get her little joke.

    She came up to the car and asked if there was a fire, and we were trying to beat the fire trucks to it. Ok, we were in a bright red sports sedan, so that confused me, maybe she thought we were apart of the fire department?? then my hubby looked around and asked "There's a fire? I don't see any smoke anywhere. We didn't start it if that's what you're implying." He wasn't trying to be a wiseass, he was totally serious. Neither of us realized she was just being a smartass. Only after we got to our destination and told our friends what happened, they said she was trying to be funny.

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