as for secession just try and see what happens! And as for Texas, you guys are free to go anytime!
Welcome to Texas. What country are you from?
When you're from Texas, people who you meet ask you
questions like, "Do you have any cows?"
It's nice to be able to say yes.
They ask you, "Do you have horses?"
Yup.
Bet you got a bunch of guns, eh?
Of course.
They all want to know if you've been to Southfork.
They watched Dallas. Have you ever looked at a map of
the world? Why sure you have. Look at Texas for me
just for a second. That picture, with the Panhandle
and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the Rio
Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will
be. As soon as anyone anywhere in the world looks at
it, they know what it is. It's Texas. Pick any kid
off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of
Texas in the dirt, and he'll know what it is.What
happens if I show you a picture of any other state?
You'll get it maybe after a second, but who else
would? Even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings
in you?
In every man, woman and child on this little rock the
Good Lord put us on, there is somewhere in them a
person who wishes just once he could be a real live
Texan and get up on a horse or ride in a pickup. Did
you ever hear anyone in a restaurant go, "Wow... so
you're from Ok-la-homa. Cool. Tell me about it"?
There is some bit of Texas in everyone. Do you know
why? Because Texas is Texas.
Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a
church, facing thousands of Mexican soldiers, fighting
for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save
themselves but stayed. We send our kids to schools
named William B. Travis and Bowie, and do you know
why? Because those men saw a line in the sand, and
they decided to be heroes. John
Wayne paid to do the movie himself. That is Texas.
Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Ana at San
Jacinto. Texas is Texas Independence Day and
Juneteenth. Texas is huge forests of piney woods like
the Davy Crockett National Forest. Texas is
breathtaking mountains in Big Bend. Texas is shiny
skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas. Texas is oak and
cedar trees, cactus, Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush
in the beautiful Texas Hill Country. Texas is world
record bass from places like Lake Fork. Texas is
Mexican food like nowhere in the world, even Mexico.
Texas is larger-than-life legends like Earl Campbell
and Nolan Ryan, Denton Cooley and Michael DeBakey,
Lyndon Johnson, George Bush, and George W. Bush,
Willie Nelson and Buddy Holly. Texas is great
companies like Dell Computer and Compaq. Texas is huge
herds of cattle and miles of crops. Texas is skies
blackened with doves and leases full of deer. Texas is
the best Bar-b-que anywhere. Texas is a place where
cities shut down for the Cowboys on Monday Night
Football and the streets are deserted during church.
Texas is beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers, mountains
and prairies.
By federal law, Texas is the only state in the U.S.
that can fly its flag at the same height as the U.S.
flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars
and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, or California, or
Maine, and your state flag goes at 17. You fly the
Stars and Stripes in front of Pine Tree High in
Longview, Texas, at 20 feet, and the Lone Star flies
at 20 feet. Our capitol is the only one in the country
that is taller than the capitol building in D.C. We
signed those in as part of the deal when we came
on. Texas was its own country. The Republic of Texas.
Every time I think of all these things I tear up.
All of them make you proud to be a Texan.
For those who wish to slowly acclimate to Texas, you may need some general southron rules to hep you get r did.
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
10.Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11.People walk slower here.
12.Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
13.The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in"big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
14.The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
15.Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
16.If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
17.If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
18.Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
19.Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
21.If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
22.Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
23.Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
24.Florida is not considered a Southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
25.In Southern churches you will here the hymn, All Glory, Laud and Honor. You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
26.As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
27.You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
And, lest you think we are not Gentlemanly.......
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini Skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. .
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't!.
So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give little more slack and again was unable to make the step..
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line Picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. .
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, Screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!".
At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
