Congressional move to outsource Presidency

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Nobama2022, Jul 27, 2009.

  1. Nobama2022

    Nobama2022 NoBAMA 2012

    Jul 27, 2009
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    Washington, DC -- June 23, 2009

    Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
    States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.

    The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000
    yearly salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures
    and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3

    It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the
    President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
    savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We
    cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
    cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

    Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination.
    Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

    Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai,
    India, will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009.
    Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
    vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY; thus making him eligible for the
    position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no
    health coverage or other benefits.

    It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
    responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
    between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night.
    "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer
    call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.

    "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."

    A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
    fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
    this should not be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the
    issues either.

    Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
    effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
    he can address common concerns without having to understand the
    underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated
    the spokesperson.

    "Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result that some
    people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."

    Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
    final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will
    be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately
    he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits
    will exceed the allowed limit.

    Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower,
    Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
    transition. According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in
    securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work
    experience during his lifetime.

    A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Obama's extensive
    experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
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