Church bulletin

Discussion in 'Humor' started by amir, Apr 12, 2012.

  1. amir
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    amir BANNED

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    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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    The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."

    The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

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    Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in

    the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

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    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid

    of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your

    husbands.

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    The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to

    a conflict.

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    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

    Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who

    doesn't care much about you.

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    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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    Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving

    obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a

    nursery downstairs.

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    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the

    help they can get.

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    The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir

    will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the

    church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.

    Music will follow.

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    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is

    Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of

    several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be

    recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased

    person you want remembered.

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    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment

    and gracious hostility.

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    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They

    may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park

    across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All

    ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is

    done.

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    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation

    would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next

    Sunday.

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    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please

    use the back door.

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    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in

    the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to

    attend this tragedy.

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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian

    Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing

    campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
     
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  2. laughinReaper
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    laughinReaper Senior Member

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    Rolmao!
     

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