Choosing A Wife

Discussion in 'Humor' started by NOBama, Jan 10, 2009.

  1. NOBama
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    NOBama Senior Member

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    A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing
    among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

    The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

    The man was
    impressed.

    The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

    Again, the man is impressed.

    The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

    Obviously, the man was impressed.

    The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

    Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

    Men are like that,
    you know.

    [​IMG]
     
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  2. Amanda
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    Amanda Calm as a Hindu cow

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    Sounds about right. :tongue:
     
  3. alan1
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    alan1 USMB Mod Staff Member Supporting Member

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    If one of the women could have figured that out, she'd have bought breast enhancement.
     
  4. Andrew2382
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    Andrew2382 Gold Member

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    The CIA is looking for their new top killer.

    They have it down to 3 people, 2 women and 1 man.

    The top guys are sitting around a table and they are saying to them selves " my god, all 3 of these canidates are qualified...how will we choose?"

    Then someone has an idea, they put all 3 people in a room and the head of the CIA walks in.

    He tells them "Ok, you are all very well qualified and there is only one way we can choose who we want to be our #1 Assassin."

    he walks to the first woman, tells her

    You want to be our top assassin

    Yes she replies

    Here is a gun he says, your husband is in the other room...shoot him in the head.

    She instantly says "no way, I am not doing that"

    The head of the CIA says "no problem have a nice day"

    He goes to the next woman

    You want to be our top assassin?
    Yes she says

    Here is a gun, your husband is in the other room...kill him

    She takes the gun, gets up slowly opens the door and shuts it crying..I CANT DO IT, I CANT DO IT.

    No problem have anice day the CIA chief says

    He walks to the man, asks the same thing

    You want to be our top assassin?

    Yes he says

    Here is a gun, your wife is in the next room...shoot her in the head.

    He takes the gun, stands up slowly and walks into the room and shuts the door behind him


    10 seconds of silence and then you hear the woman scream

    TOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    You can hear furniture breaking and screaming.

    The man walks out a minute later panting and sweating and says

    WHAT THE FUCK...THERE WERE NO BULLETS IN THAT GUN. I HAD TO BEAT HER TO DEATH WITH THE CHAIR
     
  5. Dis
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    Pfft. Men can't comprehend anything more meaningful than sex and food.

    Not necessarily always in that order...but mostly.
     
  6. indago
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    indago VIP Member

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    Well, there's the old saying:

    Men are into Huntn'nFukn

    They're either Fukn, or Huntn sumpn to Fuk...
     
  7. alan1
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    alan1 USMB Mod Staff Member Supporting Member

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    I'm sure all the male Supreme Court Justice's base there decisions on sex and food.
     
  8. xsited1
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    xsited1 Agent P

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    [​IMG]
     
  9. NOBama
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    NOBama Senior Member

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    Oh no, I've been under the impression for over 50 years that sex IS food. I'm crushed. :lol:
     
  10. Red Dawn
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    Red Dawn Senior Member

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    I love the boobies, but marrying a woman based on that? That's just stupid and shallow.


    I have a much more sophisticated view of choosing female partners. I need them to be nymphomaniacs.







    (totally kidding)
     

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