Bill as "First 'Gentleman'"

Discussion in 'Politics' started by Adam's Apple, Jun 9, 2006.

  1. Adam's Apple

    Adam's Apple Senior Member

    Apr 25, 2004
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    Just a little satire, folks.

    The Clinton Marriage
    By Tom Purcell, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review
    June 4, 2006

    Hillary kicked off her Senate re-election campaign the other night. Bill came onto the stage and hugged her. It was a fine image, the power couple in a loving embrace. Hillary got a standing ovation when she said he was "an inspiration, a mentor, a partner."

    And he is an inspiration, a mentor, a partner. He's inspired dozens of investigations, he's mentored an untold number of interns, and you couldn't find a Harvard CPA able to tally the number of partners he's had.

    Look, I like Bill Clinton. I'd love to have a beer with him -- though only if my sisters are out of town. But I lack the mental, physical and emotional strength to go through this again.

    If Hillary runs, the election will be painful. We all know Bill will do something reckless, get caught, humiliate Hillary, seek forgiveness, outline a plan for redemption, and then we'll see news footage of him and Jesse Jackson in an intense Bible study.

    But I tremble at what will happen if he becomes first lady.

    He'll stroll around the White House in a silk robe, chomping on roast beef sandwiches and winking at the staff. The White House Easter Egg Roll will stop inviting children and start inviting coeds.

    The White House kitchen will be outsourced to Hooters. Dominoes will run a franchise out of the Blue Room. The Lincoln Bedroom will be leased to the Chinese in return for campaign dough and a lifetime supply of General Tso's Chicken.

    Goodness knows what his "first lady" mission will be. Laura Bush promoted literacy. Barbara Bush promoted volunteerism. As part of her "Just Say No" campaign, Nancy Reagan discouraged drug use.

    I think Bill will embrace "Just Say No," too -- "Just Say No to Abstinence, Fidelity and Hillary."

    With Bill as first lady, Congress will need to pass a new "don't ask, don't tell" policy -- not for the military, but for the White House.

    America will need to establish a special Secret Service detail -- not to protect Bill from the public, but the public from Bill.

    A disturbing new slogan will seep into popular culture: "What happens in the White House stays in the White House."

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