Bible Experts Determine Goliath was not really killed by David

[Yarddog]

Bible Experts Determine Goliath Died Of COVID-19
SCRIPTURE·Jul 10, 2020 · BabylonBee.com
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ISRAEL - Working at an archaeological dig in the Valley of Elah, Bible experts have come up with an interesting theory concerning the death of Goliath, hulking giant of the Philistines who fought David in one-on-one combat.
Though he did have severe head trauma and neck problems, his death is now being counted as a COVID-19 death.
"While we didn't test him per se, he exhibited a lot of the symptoms of COVID-19," said one Bible scholar as he carefully worked to unearth some ancient face masks from Bible times. "The wooziness, the falling down, the headache -- it's all pretty clearly indicative of the novel coronavirus." He also stated that the virus ran rampant among the Philistines because they did not social distance, while Israel was relatively safe because King Saul declared a lockdown.

One researcher suggested that Goliath did not die of coronavirus but simply ODed, having been stoned. But then the other researchers realized he was telling a dad joke and told him to shut up and keep digging.
At publishing time, scholars had proposed that everyone who died in the Flood, the Israelite conquest of Canaan, and the flattening of Sodom and Gomorrah also died of COVID-19.

David was subsequently banned from Twitter claiming that he had killed the giant instead of him dying from the virus. Some of the Philistines were also banned from Twitter suggesting the giant died from the vaccine.

Information has also turned up that has many experts in the field beliving David had actually lost his sling amidst the skirmish, and the kill shot was actually made from an improvised shot using his own covid mask as a cheap replacement!

 

[Yarddog]

9 foot 9? They were much shorter back then too. So this would be like saying they were 10 foot 10 today. Know anyone who's that tall?

They also said Noah lived to be how old? 950 years.

heres a useful theory

Biblical Goliath may not have been a giant

Goliath, the giant who was felled by King David in the Hebrew Bible, is described as having a jaw-dropping height. Turns out, that may not have been accurate.

www.livescience.com

Recently, the team has excavated a fortification wall found in the northern part of the lower city. The wall was built in the 10th century B.C., a time "when the Philistines controlled the city as it served as their capital," Chadwick told Live Science. "The stone wall foundations measured exactly 2.38 m — four cubits and a span — in width at every point along the 40 m of its line exposed by our excavations" Chadwick said. He noted that the wall may have been 23 feet (7 m) high .

In his ASOR presentation, Chadwick proposed that biblical writers may have gotten Goliath's height from the width of the north lower city wall of Gath. He noted that Goliath is the only person whose precise height is recorded in the Bible. "Nobody else's height is recorded as an actual metric," Chadwick said.

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Given that the Bible's authors likely didn't have access to Goliath's corpse, this leaves the question of where biblical writers would have gotten Goliath's height of "four cubits and a span."

So it's possible the writers may "have been metaphorically describing the champion [Goliath] as being comparable to the size and strength of the Philistine capital's city wall —a metric that would have been preserved over many centuries and would have known from those familiar with Gath," Chadwick said.

Live Science contacted several experts not affiliated with the research to get their thoughts on Chadwick's theory. None were able to reply at time of publication. Excavations at Gath are led by Aren Maeir, a professor of archaeology at Bar-Ilan University in Israel.

 

[sealybobo]

The point remaining that there have always been very tall people in human history. Now, don't you feel kind of dumb that you're claiming the largest skeletons ever discovered were only 6' 8'' when we have people taller than that walking around today, and an almost 9 footer living about 100 years ago? You're really scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

No because there were no people back then who were almost 9 foot tall. The tallest they ever found was 6 foot 8.

I'm fascinated that you are wrong but still arguing.

Now explain how Noah lived to be 950 years old. This aught to be good.

 

[sealybobo]

Information has also turned up that has many experts in the field beliving David had actually lost his sling amidst the skirmish, and the kill shot was actually made from an improvised shot using his own covid mask as a cheap replacement!

That's ridiculous. You know masks don't work.

 

[irosie91]

alternate explanation of Goliath---he was afflicted with Pituitary
enlargement and "Gigantism". His death was the result of Pituitary
apoplexy---maybe

 

[sealybobo]

alternate explanation of Goliath---he was afflicted with Pituitary
enlargement and "Gigantism". His death was the result of Pituitary
apoplexy---maybe

Andre the Giant was 7 foot 4. That's huge.

 

[Yarddog]

That's ridiculous. You know masks don't work.

In those days they werent made in China

 

[sealybobo]

The point remaining that there have always been very tall people in human history. Now, don't you feel kind of dumb that you're claiming the largest skeletons ever discovered were only 6' 8'' when we have people taller than that walking around today, and an almost 9 footer living about 100 years ago? You're really scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

Wow

According to the Guinness World Records, the tallest human in recorded history was Robert Wadlow of the United States (1918–1940), who was 272 cm (8 ft 11 in).

Wadlow's height was 8 ft 11.1 while his weight reached 439 lb at his death at age 22. His great size and his continued grozwth in adulthood were due to hypertrophy of his pituitary gland, which results in an abnormally high level of human growth hormone (HGH).

Still the tallest bones we ever found was 6'8 and we know that

You know what? The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know shit

We are now generally shorter, lighter and smaller boned than our ancestors were 100,000 years ago. The decrease has been gradual but has been most noticeable in the last 10,000 years. However, there has been some slight reversal to this trend in the last few centuries as the average height has started to increase.

What was the height of humans 5000 years ago?
Early humans were 5 feet tall on average

Humans have been relatively short for thousands of years​

Until around 150 years ago, humans were relatively short – but our recent growth spurt may have more to do with social factors than dietary ones

10,000 years ago: European males – 162.5cm (5 ft 4 inches). A dramatic reduction in the size of humans occurred at this time. Many scientists think that this reduction was influenced by global climatic change and the adoption of agriculture.

So they think humans older than 10,000 were taller? Just like the animals were bigger so were we? Interesting.

 

[Lastamender]

Same reason God's pounding red states with natural disasters.

CA. is a red state?

 

[sealybobo]

CA. is a red state?

Is it? Okay. As long as we get the electorals.

I'm surprised it's not. The only people in Cali are either rich or can't vote. I can't imagine who's voting Democrat in Cali.

 

[Lastamender]

Is it? Okay. As long as we get the electorals.

I'm surprised it's not. The only people in Cali are either rich or can't vote. I can't imagine who's voting Democrat in Cali.

No. They have had all sorts of bad weather lately.. And illegals vote Democratic and CA. encourages it and aids it.

 

[sealybobo]

No. They have had all sorts of bad weather lately.. And illegals vote Democratic and CA. encourages it and aids it.

Their kids get more liberal

Support for abortion rights depended heavily on whether respondents were born in the U.S.: 41% of immigrants said abortion should be legal, jumping to 59% and 62% respectively with second- and third-generation Americans.

 

[Votto]

But yet stupid uneducated Libtards like you think that hateful shit on SNL is funny.

Grow up. Satire is satire and if you don't like it then don't read it.

Besides, far too many times the Bee's satire becomes reality.

In this case the Bee was ridiculing all you stupid shits that are Vaxers. That was funny.

I loved it when Twitter banned The Babylon Bee and that pissed Elon Musk off so much he bought the company and fired all the idiot (mostly queer) Moon Bats that worked there.

No, no, I post things specifically for Joe to tell me it's not funny because to me that is just hilarious. He literally does it every post of mine.

 

[hadit]

No because there were no people back then who were almost 9 foot tall. The tallest they ever found was 6 foot 8.

I'm fascinated that you are wrong but still arguing.

Now explain how Noah lived to be 950 years old. This aught to be good.

We're talking about very tall people, and you seem fixated on the idea that very tall people only started existing in the last 100 years or so. Here's a clue, they didn't, they've existed throughout human history. If you want to complain about Noah, start a thread on him, I might look at it.

 

[hadit]

Wow

According to the Guinness World Records, the tallest human in recorded history was Robert Wadlow of the United States (1918–1940), who was 272 cm (8 ft 11 in).

Wadlow's height was 8 ft 11.1 while his weight reached 439 lb at his death at age 22. His great size and his continued grozwth in adulthood were due to hypertrophy of his pituitary gland, which results in an abnormally high level of human growth hormone (HGH).

Still the tallest bones we ever found was 6'8 and we know that

You know what? The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know shit

We are now generally shorter, lighter and smaller boned than our ancestors were 100,000 years ago. The decrease has been gradual but has been most noticeable in the last 10,000 years. However, there has been some slight reversal to this trend in the last few centuries as the average height has started to increase.

What was the height of humans 5000 years ago?
Early humans were 5 feet tall on average

Humans have been relatively short for thousands of years​

Until around 150 years ago, humans were relatively short – but our recent growth spurt may have more to do with social factors than dietary ones

10,000 years ago: European males – 162.5cm (5 ft 4 inches). A dramatic reduction in the size of humans occurred at this time. Many scientists think that this reduction was influenced by global climatic change and the adoption of agriculture.

So they think humans older than 10,000 were taller? Just like the animals were bigger so were we? Interesting.

At least you admit that there are very tall people even in modern times. What you seem incapable of admitting, however, is that they've been around long before modern times. Knowing that the pituitary gland can result in giantism tells us that very tall people have been around since man has had pituitary glands. Was that a modern invention in your eyes?

 

[sealybobo]

At least you admit that there are very tall people even in modern times. What you seem incapable of admitting, however, is that they've been around long before modern times. Knowing that the pituitary gland can result in giantism tells us that very tall people have been around since man has had pituitary glands. Was that a modern invention in your eyes?

Good point. We could have had a race of giants in our past. Say, 20,000 years ago.

Don't you believe humans have only been around for 5000 years?

 

[hadit]

Good point. We could have had a race of giants in our past. Say, 20,000 years ago.

Don't you believe humans have only been around for 5000 years?

No, I don't. I think the story of creation has gaps that could cover vast amounts of time. I also believe that God does not lie and would not deliberately create an earth that looked ancient when it wasn't. I can't imagine why He would do that.

I do, however, marvel at how the creation story parallels the Big Bang theory, with light before stars, life starting in the oceans before on land, man being a late arrival on the scene, etc.

 

[sealybobo]

No, I don't. I think the story of creation has gaps that could cover vast amounts of time. I also believe that God does not lie and would not deliberately create an earth that looked ancient when it wasn't. I can't imagine why He would do that.

I do, however, marvel at how the creation story parallels the Big Bang theory, with light before stars, life starting in the oceans before on land, man being a late arrival on the scene, etc.

God lied? Or told the truth? I don't think God has ever spoken to us. So no he didn't lie.

 

[lg325]

''Rabbinic literature paints a vivid and fanciful display of Og. He is remembered as the tallest man of his era, claiming dominion over numerous republics. He was believed to have been a powerful warrior, a king, and an ancestor of the Philistines. In rabbinic sources, Og stands a full 12 cubits or 24 feet tall, and his bed measured 13 by 6 cubits. This is equal to nine feet wide by 24 feet long, a supplement to the biblical narratives.

The size of Og is greatly disputed between religious scholars, including whether this height is meant to be taken in a literal sense. Many biblical experts believe the numbers are likely to be exaggerated, possibly reflecting a poetic exaggeration rather than an accurate measurement. Other suggested that, instead, the number alludes not to physical size, but rather to the enormity of Og’s authority and power, a suggestion which is not without support. '' The last line of this quote I agree with when it comes to Ancient human leaders. J.P. Morgan for example is known as a giant of industry and future historians may misinterpret it as to his physical size not his business accomplishments.

King Og is mentioned in both Jewish and Christian scripture.

 

[Richard-H]

So God is not helping Christians in red states but he helps Jews in wars against Arabs?

God is on the Jews side. Your words not mine.

Doesn't sound like he's on Christian Americans side.

Obviously, God only intervenes against the English on behalf of the French: