Whats the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity Whats the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs. Whats the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. Whats the fastest way to a mans heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They cant stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. Whats the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. Why does the bride always wear white? Because its good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. How do you know when youre really ugly? Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed. How do you know when youre leading a pathetic life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, Lets just be friends. Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people could have sex, too. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Are you sure its mine? Whats the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts dont have eyes. Whats the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins Once upon a time. A Southern fairytale begins Yall aint gonna believe this shit.