coulter comitted TRAFFIC COURT JUDGE FINDS COULTER INCOMPETENT TO STAND TRIAL WASHINGTON Local traffic court Judge James Carter (no relation to the former President) said he was surprised when uptight author and commentator Ann Coulter appeared in his courtroom yesterday to contest a speeding ticket she received on the Washington Beltway. He said his surprise quickly turned to annoyance, however, when Coulter opened her defense by calling Judge Carter a "left-wing wacko tool." To his credit, Judge Carter did not snap back at Coulter's initial outburst. But after listening to Coulter's increasingly insane rants for more than three hours, Judge Carter reached his breaking point and declared Coulter incompetent to stand trial. "I wanted to declare her 'flat sh*t-house crazy,'" the Judge told reporters after the hearing, "but my law clerk told me there's no such legal classification." Describing her behavior as "bizarre" from the outset, observers said Coulter at one point attempted to introduce her latest book "Treason" as evidence that she was an expert on radar and that radar in the Washington area has been corrupted by "liberal moral relativism." Observers said the final straw for Coulter was the appearance of noted author Al Franken as a character witness for the prosecution. While Franken perhaps could have been more subtle than he was in calling Coulter a "lying liar who tells lies, lots and lots of lies," Coulters counterargument that both Franken and Judge Carter were "f@#%ing traitors" did little to help her cause according to legal experts. In a statement issued shortly after the hearing, the Federalist Society, a national organization supporting the rights of insane conservatives, vowed to file an appeal on Coulters behalf. "We will certainly appeal the Judges ruling that Ms. Coulter undergo immediate electro-shock therapy," explained one of the dozen or so white male Federalist Society spokesmen at the press conference. "We feel like that could set a very dangerous precedent for our membership."