I really hate to diss my friend behind his back like this, but this is just too great not to share. His roommate printed a copy off for me, so I figured I'd copy it on here. Now, I don't know the circumstances behind this paper, but I can't possibly imagine that THIS is what the teacher was expecting to get back when he assigned this project. This is no joke, this is 100% real, though I have changed the name (the middle name and nickname are real, though). All punctuation and citations are the same. I honestly question whether my friend isn't clinically insane. And I am in disbelief as to how he has made it to his sophomore year in college. Enjoy (I know I did). When I was born in the summer of 1984, my father swore up and down that he would not name his son after himself or my grandfather. Needless to say, after he saw me in my mom's arms, he had to name this because I was identical looking to him and his father. If I could have named myself as a child, I would have picked a name that was totally different. It would be a name like Tiger Diesel. In my earlly childhood growing up in school, I was teased on intensely because of my name. The first day of school was dreadful for me because the teachers always called out my full name, John Bernardo Smith, III. When my name was called, I would always hear my classmates laughing and snickering. Recess was always pretty rough when we would run out of things to talk about because my name would always become the butt of the joke. It would either be, "Hey Bernardo Retardo!", or since my nickname is Tres, meaning the third in Spanish, "What time is Dos picking you up from school?" The insult that always got a kick out of me was, "Are you going to name your kid Cuatro?" Here in Aiken, the teachers say my name, Tres, as if it were a word that they have never seen before in their life (Cisneros 50). I know that it is not spelled like it is pronounced to most people. They are used to seeing it spelled, Trace, but the teachers here have been way off. They say it as if it were Trey, Tris, or even Trish. That is why I want a simple, yet profound name. I would love the name Tiger Diesel because I would not only be named after my heroes, it is a name that would be respected by most people. The heroes that I would be named after would be Tiger Woods, because watching him play golf is my inspiration to try and make it to the PGA, and Vin Diesel because I love the way that he acts in his movies. Also, I do not think that this is a name that I would get teased on for having because quite frankly, I feel that this is a name that would strike fear into the hearts of people. If I ever introduced mysel as Tiger Diesel, the person is probably going to be thinking that I am a person that he is not going to mess with. Having the name of John Bernardo Smith, III is very special to me, but it is not a name that I will keep for the rest of my life. I feel that in writing this paper I may have talked myself into changing my name to Tiger Diesel. This is a name that would be very catchy if I ever become famous, and maybe someday you will see this name on the PGA tour or headlining a movie.