A Celebrity Drive: Trump Dianetics

Abishai100

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Sep 22, 2013
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Isn't it funny how in the modern world, we can use the power of the ubiquitous media to disseminate ideas about 'personalized utopia'? Donald Trump understood this well when he used the pulpit to distribute very personal biases/bigotries during his controversial presidential campaign in 2016.

So here's a comic book stylized celebrity-critical short-story (about a movie-star who suddenly gains an interest in 'pedestrian potluck') I cooked up, which I think the Trump Administration might find representative of new age populism prose. I wrote it to ask myself, "Does our celeb-prez care about the people's race-track?"

If Trump is 'bold' enough to speak his mind about controversial ideas, then he is surely interested in the inflamed strangeness of democracy-critics engaged in public capitalism protests...

Hey, actually, I think the Trump Administration just might be able to 'chauffeur' everything satisfactorily.

What do you think? (It's probably my final USMB post --- so be nice!)



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Tom Cruise, the popular American movie star, had become spiritually bored with his 'celeb-lifestyle' and decided to spend a summer in Australia in a cosmetics-enhanced face-concealing 'skin-mask' and beard, pretending to be a 'regular tax-driver.' Cruise was happy with America (and the election of its newest celebrity-prez Donald Trump), but he wanted to embrace the rugged metaphysics of the 'Aussie world' (plus, he was a big fan of the Australia-New Zealand rugby continental 'rivalry'). As a taxi-driver, Cruise enjoyed feeling like a 'pedestrian bureaucrat.'

One day, a mysterious woman got into Cruise's Aussie-cab. She had thick red hair and was wearing big sunglasses (designer) and a trench-coat and hat, which camouflaged her appearance. She wanted a ride to the Opera House. Cruise found her to be striking but could not make out the full details of her appearance underneath everything she had on, so he started conversing with her. She told him she was dressed as the kids' civics-crusade pop-culture fiction art-show 'avatar' Carmen Sandiego (a trench-coat wearing vixen associated with terrorism), since she was interested in 'pedestrian ethics' and Halloween was approaching.

Cruise always remembered his strange 'Carmen Sandiego' taxi-fare. The next day, Cruise heard on the Aussie Radio News Network (ARNN) that a terrorist bomb was planted at the Sydney Opera House. Cruise put 2+2 together and realized his mysterious and striking 'Carmen Sandiego' taxi-fare from the night before was the culprit! Since Halloween was approaching, he decided he would dress up as the American comic book character Captain Marvel and drive his taxi, offering messages of 'pedestrian optimism' to all who entered his cab (to help them forget about the opera-house terrorism incident which had now become like Australia's '9/11').

As Captain Marvel, Cruise was the ideal taxi-driver in Aussieland. He was courteous and charming to his fares, and, of course, no one knew it was Tom Cruise the movie-star actually driving! A beautiful red-headed woman got in, and Cruise did not recognize her, but she reminded him of his strange 'Carmen Sandiego' fare whom Cruise suspected was the culprit of the opera-house terrorist attack. Cruise started conversing with her and found her very charming and started falling in love with her. Cruise decided to take her to his apartment, and that evening (on Halloween) they consummated on their strange and newfound chemistry. She disappeared the next day, and two weeks later Cruise discovered he had contracted AIDS.

Because Cruise was now sure that the redhead he engaged with on Halloween was indeed the same 'Carmen Sandiego' fare responsible for the opera-house terrorist attack, he had concluded that she was not officially tied to any formal terrorist organization but was simply a woman of rage, frustrated and vengeful for having acquired AIDS (most likely through sexual contact). Cruise decided to travel back to the USA and write a series of op-eds in the New Yorker titled, "Fighting the Anti-Socialism of AIDS." It won him the Nobel Prize. Cruise always remembered Carmen Sandiego fondly and considered her to be a surprisingly ironic 'gambling messenger' and included her in his new book about his democracy-flaw beliefs regarding Scientology (a book which the Trump Administration tried to censor).

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cruise2.jpg
 
Racer X

Is People Magazine modern art? I think President Trump would agree that it is, which is why perhaps he was in Woody Allen's fame-profiteerism film Celebrity.

As long as subjective capitalism in the USA does not breed the same sort of nationalism fanaticism (or even anti-nationalism terrorism), then Americans can feel safe that our democracy-prone nation will not breed a host of Salman Rushdie oriented noise-makers. No, we Americans are content with things like Clinton-Lewinsky, Enron, and Napster.

So...is Trump a big fan of Facebook? Maybe Trump-era social chatter can be more jovial than Reaganomics cynicism...

So who's the NEXT celebrity-prez? Oprah?


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A young man in Australia named Raphael read Cruise's book and became intrigued, since his sister had acquired AIDS in Nicaragua. Raphael was a big fan of movies and after seeing the films Titus (Anthony Hopkins) and How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Jim Carrey), which presented scenes of boys in paper-bag head-masks, he was inspired to become a 'democracy-capitalism' critic of media masquerade. Raphael gave himself the comic book stylized persona/alias 'King' and posted photos and comments on World Discussion Forum about Cruise's incendiary and controversial book (a book which compelled Cruise to move to Canada!).

Raphael (aka, 'King') followed Cruise to Canada, determined to interview him about the book that made him a public-forum critic of the capitalism-subjective Trump Administration. Here is a transcript of the interview.

KING: Thanks for sitting down with me, Mr. Cruise!
CRUISE: Well, it's not everyday I get an interview-request from a mysterious man in a paper-bag head-mask...
KING: Oh, c'mon! Don't you read comic books?
CRUISE: I like the plethora of comic book adapted films in Hollywood (USA) now.
KING: How do you like Canadian life?
CRUISE: It's peaceful...
KING: Cool. Your book has raised many questions.
CRUISE: I hope it's garnered attention to democracy-relevant issues such as religious pluralism.
KING: Do you still plan to advocate Scientology in the media?
CRUISE: I might blog on the Internet (maybe with an identity-masking alias or 'avatar').
KING: You should wear a brown paper-bag head-mask like me!
CRUISE: Right. I'd be the Speed Racer to your Racer X.
KING: You're a fan of Speed Racer comics?
CRUISE: Hey, I was in Days of Thunder, buddy.
KING: Right.
CRUISE: So, why the mask (if I may ask)?
KING: I have metaphysical superstitions.
CRUISE: What..are you chasing Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th?
KING: Dream on...
CRUISE: I'm considering doing philanthropy-work for the Salvation Army.
KING: Do you plan to use your book as a platform for AIDS social outreach?
CRUISE: My publicists and agents are hard-at-work right now in the USA (some working with Trump).

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KING ('Racer X'):

king.jpg
 

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