1. Money can not buy happiness, but its more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the assholes name. 3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because its illegal to shoot them. 5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk. THERE YOU HAVE IT.