Dante
"The Libido for the Ugly"
Stumbled upon a great headline in today's news: "The Wonderful Trump Headline Machine"
The article itself had a few Yugely great lines. One in particular caught my eye. I used it as the title for this thread. Oh the satire, the satire!
Would-Be President Rambles Unintelligibly For Eighty Minutes After Promising He Would Speak About The Economy
The Article: snippets:
I found it! The machine! The wonderful machine that they have at all news production headquarters. Its input is Donald Trump’s remarks; its output is headlines. Everything makes sense now.
It functions somewhat like a juicer. You insert Trump’s remarks at one end, turn a crank...Presto! — out comes the headline or chyron produced by those remarks. I had long been wondering where we were getting these headlines and chyrons. You glance up idly at a muted television and see “DONALD TRUMP DELIVERS REMARKS ON ECONOMY,” and you think, “Ah, presidential at last!” And as long as you do not...
.
.
A similar process occurs in print. If it were not for the machine, we would have headlines every day like “Would-Be President Rambles Unintelligibly For Eighty Minutes After Promising He Would Speak About The Economy; At Intervals We Glimpsed Something In The Torrent Of Words That If Pulled Out And Dried Off Might Become A Policy Idea, So We Sent Several Guys In After It, But None Of Them Returned Alive, Except For One Guy Who Just Said ‘The Horror, The Horror’ After We Retrieved Him And He’s Now Staring Off Silently Into The Void. Is Donald Trump Entirely Well? Harris Also Delivered Remarks But Not As Many As We Wanted.” Maybe we should have those headlines, but, thanks to the machine, we don’t.
The article itself had a few Yugely great lines. One in particular caught my eye. I used it as the title for this thread. Oh the satire, the satire!
Would-Be President Rambles Unintelligibly For Eighty Minutes After Promising He Would Speak About The Economy
The Article: snippets:
I found it! The machine! The wonderful machine that they have at all news production headquarters. Its input is Donald Trump’s remarks; its output is headlines. Everything makes sense now.
It functions somewhat like a juicer. You insert Trump’s remarks at one end, turn a crank...Presto! — out comes the headline or chyron produced by those remarks. I had long been wondering where we were getting these headlines and chyrons. You glance up idly at a muted television and see “DONALD TRUMP DELIVERS REMARKS ON ECONOMY,” and you think, “Ah, presidential at last!” And as long as you do not...
.
.
A similar process occurs in print. If it were not for the machine, we would have headlines every day like “Would-Be President Rambles Unintelligibly For Eighty Minutes After Promising He Would Speak About The Economy; At Intervals We Glimpsed Something In The Torrent Of Words That If Pulled Out And Dried Off Might Become A Policy Idea, So We Sent Several Guys In After It, But None Of Them Returned Alive, Except For One Guy Who Just Said ‘The Horror, The Horror’ After We Retrieved Him And He’s Now Staring Off Silently Into The Void. Is Donald Trump Entirely Well? Harris Also Delivered Remarks But Not As Many As We Wanted.” Maybe we should have those headlines, but, thanks to the machine, we don’t.
